The proposal
My favourite book in the Bible has always been the "song of songs". To me it's a love story. It's beautiful, it's romantic, it's electric. It's all about dating and courting with the Lord. The missing and heartbreaking when apart, and the joy of being together. Do you still remember the time when you were first in love with someone and all those beautiful moments of dating your loved one?
For me, Hillsong Women has been a place of "dating" between me and the Lord. During worship time, especially the last worship song, I usually feel this strong presense of the Lord, and I actually feel the hugs and kisses in the spirit. I'd hear Him talk to me, whisper to me of His love for me. It's an emotional high moment for me for the whole week. When I was in the worship team before leading worship, I'd feel stronger this presense of the Holy Spirit, and in those moments I know that my face change, and I'd have a big smile on my face, and there's a deep sense of satisfaction and wild joy in me.
Today at Hillsong Women, I somehow sensed there's something unusual and different. I actually felt the Lord's crying. I felt Him saying to me," Honey, I love you too much. I've been waiting and waiting for you to come. Sometimes you'd come and see me for a few minutes, sometimes I'd wait for a long time before you'd turn up, and sometimes I even wait at the dating place for you to come, and you didn't even show up. Honey, I miss you! I can't stand this dating and courting any more. Would you marry me? I want to come in to your life, and live with you, Yes, I want to be with you every minute! Not just dating, meet and seperate. I want to eat, sleep, play, work......live with you! All the time! Would you allow me?"
I was overwhelmed by this revelation. I was awestruck. I can't believe it's real. I can't believe how much the Lord loves me and wants to bless me. It's my rejection and insecurity that has blocked everyone out of my life. I've been living behind the walls, and I felt the Lord pulled down the walls and He wanted to be my walls Himself!
I'm still pondering and meditating, but definately I felt it has been different today.
Thursday, April 01, 2004
