Beautiful Day

    Friday, February 27, 2004  


Commitment is like the needle and the thread that sow the two pieces of fabric together. For the two to become one, it requires a sowing process. It might need some cutting and shaping, and when it's sowed together, it's hard to seperate again.
It can be a marriage. No couples will just turn out everything great. We all go through ups and downs. Without a commitment relation will just fall apart when things go wrong or when the chemistry's gone missing. The cutting and shaping is the changes and compromises that we're willing to give. We all have our edges, and we all go through down times. It's in these down times that we need to sit down together and work things out. Nobody by nature would like to compromise and change. But commitment will bring us to this place of growth and maturity. Commitment will enable us to stick with it no matter what happens. And when we're through the thicks and thins we become one.
It can also be our connection with the things that we're engaged with, like a career, a business, a dream, a calling. Nothing will just automatically happen all at once. It takes a process. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's hard. Commitment will enable us through the stormy days without prematurally dropping out. It will bring us to the destiny that we've been dreaming of. Without commitment, we are just like that double-minded man(James 1:7-8), unstable in all he does, and that man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord. Commitment is that needle and thread that will sow us and our dreams into one reality. It's the key and the way to true happiness and success.

    As seen by Susan @ 1:10 AM

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    Wednesday, February 25, 2004

Engaging with the Holy Spirit

I have been a Hillsong music fan. I've owned just about every album(video)that they've produced. For a while I was in their choir (not for long, as I had to stop because of the morning sickness). In that I think I can say what my favourite album is. Have a guess?
It's the one that I've bought over and over. And it's my favourite of all times. I play it in the car, in the house, and it's always the one that I choose as a gift for my friends, and they love it, too. I miss it when I lose it, although I've played it numerous times. It always makes me feel the beauty and richness of the presence of the Holy Spirit.
It's the instrumental worship album by Russell Fragar. (Did you guess it right?)
Russell is such an annointed keyboard player. It was a shock for me to know that he started learning piano when he was 18(maybe not exactly right, but something like that). I have always believed somehow in the back of my mind that you have to start young to be technicly brilliant to achieve success. But Russell's piano is definately one of the best of all the musicians that I've ever heard.
I also have a good personal friend that has amazing gift in piano. He's not famous(yet), but I've never seen anyone play like he does, his skills will often make people dumbfounded.(Bear in mind, I grew up in a professional pianists' family). But again, I was amazed to find out that he taught himself how to play as an adult and he doesn't even read music. He said, "it's the gift."
Russell also writes beautiful songs. I heard someone said, the angels come to his bedside and sing to him. Probably that's why the songs he writes are so heavenly orientated.
It's sad to see some of the dancers, singers or musos will often "do their things" without engaging with the Holy Spirit. They can be technically perfect and brilliant, but without the annointing, you just feel it's such a waste.
The purpose of music is to bring the Lord's presence down. When we worship in truth and in the Spirit, we can have a spirit to spirit direct contact with the Lord. Music is not something extra for entertainment, but a powerful means to have communion with the Lord, as He dwells in our praise and worship.

    As seen by Susan @ 12:06 PM

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    Monday, February 23, 2004


Sometimes when friends are around, I'd really like Ellie to do some "performing". Like playing a piano piece, do some dancing or showing her pictures. She's doing quite well in these things, (she played piano in the opera house last year), but most of the time she'd just play shy. But when she does play, she'd bring so much joy to my heart and of course the friends will be entertained as well. Sometimes it really bugs me when she just wants to be shy, especially in dancing. Although she loves dancing and she goes to dance lessons every day, she wouldn't just dance for everyone(including me). But once in church during praise and worship time, she danced in the spirit(she thought no one was watching), and it was so beautiful I could hardly breathe. Our pastor saw the annointing on her and asked her to get on the stage to dance....and that was it, she froze up.
I know she has beautiful gifts and talents. I wish she could just be totally free and wanting to express herself fully. But this shyness has covered the most of her talent up. Sometimes I feel sad. I can't blame her. I'm extremely shy myself. I grew up in a culture that says shyness is the beauty and virtue of human beings, especially for the females. Shyness has rooted so deeply in my upbringing, and it was encouraged and nurtured all the way in the education system. For example, in a lot of the literatures, a shy woman is always beautiful and of good virture, while a woman that's not shy would most likely to be whores.
But looking at Ellie I start to think how God will feel about me. He must be feeling so frustrated with me sometimes. I could almost feel Him saying,"look, I've put so much of Me in you, I've trained you, and I've given you gifts and talents. Now l'd really like you to show them to my friends so that you could be a blessing to them. But this shyness has just taken the most beautiful gifts away and it hurts Me to see that."
Hmmm, I start to realise how serious this can be. It's a sin. It's not a virtue, but a stealer, a robber and a killer of the most beautiful creativity that God has put within us.
It grieves the Holy Spirit as He can't move freely through us. It's a blockage of the channel of blessings. I can almost feel a voice inside of me that's yelling, "I want to be free, I want to be free! Let me live out, let me be a blessing!"
Sooo, please pray for me! It's not gonna be easy, but I really want to get rid of this baggage.

    As seen by Susan @ 12:24 AM

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    Sunday, February 15, 2004


I feel so blessed by Ellie today. She's really blossoming in so many ways. There's a lot in her plate, 6.5 hours dance lessons every week, piano, swimming, .... but she loves them all. And she's always trying her best.
Piano is always hard for little kids. But I try to maintain 15-20 minutes practise with her every day. She had her practise early morning, then she went for her piano lesson with her teacher. In the afternoon we had another practise session. Then before we go to bed, she practised again. It's a LOT for her already for the day. And I gave her some prices and sent her to bed. (we have done a lot of other things today,too. Like swimming for a few hours, valentine's dinner, play at Mcdonnalds,etc) And I went to bed,too. Then she got up herself and she went through nearly the whole book all by herself(that's about 30 songs)!
She even made my bed for me earlier. (I didn't ask her)
She's such a joy to be around. I always feel so proud of her!

    As seen by Susan @ 1:12 AM

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Hillsong Women

Went to a Hillsong Women meeting this Thursday. It has been a long break, since late November last year. I felt very nurtured. Like my baby, when she seperates from me for a while(like in the daycare), I miss her. And when she comes back to me for a cuddle and nurse, she feels so content and at home. That's exactly how I was feeling in the worship time. I felt the Lord is whispering to me, "I miss you!" And I felt overwhelmed and there was a strong desire in me that wanted to dance. I know there's something about dance in me. Well, I've never had any training at all in dance. Not even one lesson. I am extremely shy about dance. But every time when I'm in the presence of the Holy Spirit, there's this unquenchable deep desire to dance.I don't know where I can release it. Sometimes I even feel a bit jealous toward Ellie, she can dance 4 days a week, trained by different experienced teachers. But I can't find anywhere that I can feel comfortable to do some training in dance.
I have to say there's a strong anointing in Hillsong's worship, especially the women's meetings. I just wish it could be longer. Every time almost just got warmed up, then it's finished. But it's a big church, and it has to have a lot of politics...
Anyway I've registered in the Colour your world women's conference this year. I think it'll be good and I'm looking forward to it.
Although I go to Hillsong just about every day for different reasons, I don't go to church at Hillsong. I have been moving from church to church. Not that I like to do so. I actually would really like to settle down somewhere, but I feel the hand of the Lord has been moving me from place to place. Why? I don't really know. But it doesn't bother me as much now than before. Wherever I go, I try to stay away from the politics of different churches and just enjoy fellowship with the Lord Himself. And I think that's what the Lord want me to do for now.

    As seen by Susan @ 12:27 AM

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    Saturday, February 07, 2004

Weather Change

It's extremely hot these couple of days here in Sydney. Yesterday while picking the kids up from school the temperature indicated in my car was 46 degrees. Today I spent the whole afternoon in the swimming pool with the kids(my poor hubby is still working on the house), and tomorrow it looks like it could be as high as 48 degrees.
Reading in other blogs it almost makes me feel weird and unbelievable that right at this moment some people are in a freezing cold weather, 40 degrees on the other side of the zero! Another world? No, still the same world, just the other side.
It's funny about the weather. When it's sunny and beautiful, it's hard to think about pouring rain. And while in the midst of a miserable raining day, we tend to quickly forget what a sunny day feels like.
I think with our spiritual walk it's the same. Sometimes it's bright and sunny, everything looks promising and beautiful. But sometimes it's dark and pouring, everything feels depressing and miserable. But the truth is, it's not always gonna be sun shine, and we won't always have rain, either. Too much sunshine will cause a drought, and too much rain will bring up a flood. Sometimes sunshine, sometimes rain, then we'll have a harvest.
It's the same with other things we do in life. Sometimes everything goes smoothly and well, things are happening even without trying, but sometimes, every effort and attempt falls into vail, we just feel like bumping into walls wherever we go. And in these hard situations, we tend to forget that this "weather" won't last too long, it won't be like this forever! If you just hang in there, sooner or later the weather will change!
For me, I have been in a downpour of rain and thunder. But today, I start to feel the rain's calming down, and I can see the rainbow. And the new emerge of sunlight has brought me much joy.

    As seen by Susan @ 10:27 PM

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    Thursday, February 05, 2004


Kate started daycare this week. She loved it. I was unsure if it's too early for her as she's only 16 months. But it turned out that she really enjoyed it. She didn't cry much at all, only a bit on the first day when one of the other kids got picked up by the parents, and just as she cried I arrived. The daycare that she goes to is Hillsong Childcare Centre. I was surprised to find out on the first day that her teacher is one of my good friends. The teachers there are really nice. And the facilities are good. I didn't think my kids would get a place there before as there're 500 kids on the waiting list. But I did put their names down early(before Kate was even conceived), well, as a matter of fact, I only put Jamie's name down at that time. Jamie was quite upset as her starting date is in two weeks' time and she wanted to start NOW. It took the staff one hour to rock Kate to sleep on the first day. The daycare was just opening for service from this week. It was expected to open for the last year, but it took them a long time to get through the council, in fact, they just got registed last Thursday.
I remember when Ellie first started daycare when she was 3, it took her 6 months to settle. Sometimes she cried so much the teacher had to call me to go pick her up. I tried her while she was 2 and it was impossible. Jamie started at 2, no problem at all.
I guess the older children do help the younger ones to mature a lot quicker in various ways.
Although I still had Jamie with me for the last two days, (they only go for 2 days), I was so not used to the "freedom" I had. Well, next month we'll be moving house, and I'll need the time to do all the packing, cleaning, unpacking and the decorations,etc. Got to get rid of lots of junk. When we lived in Port Macquarie, we had a big house. Half of the first floor is a garage-workshop that can contain 8 cars. And it was full of stuff that I couldn't even walk through it. We have moved twice, but we still have way too much junk. Maybe that's part of the deal of marrying a builder.

    As seen by Susan @ 11:38 AM

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    Tuesday, February 03, 2004

Twinkle in the ear

I've been reading a book called "with love in my heart and a twinkle in my ear" by Sheila Warby. Very interesting. It's about the Suzuki method of teaching piano to the young children. The traditional method of approach is to start learning piano from reading the music. But Suzuki method advocates listening. Just like the children learn their mother tongue by listening first, then speak, and after that comes in the reading and writing. The way adults learn a second language is different, usually reading and writing comes first, then listening and speaking. But try teaching young children a language by reading and writing first than listening! It would be a hard job. Same with music. Children have a high capacity of learning music if the order is set right. The procedure is quite simple: let them listen to the music over and over, until it flows out of their fingers. Learning to read music first can actually damage their listening ability and make the learning a frustrated rather than enjoyable process.
I have tried Suzuki method with Ellie, and it seems really good. Ellie is six(from November), and she's playing exam level grade 3 pieces. And Jamie just turned 4, and she's playing twinkles at the moment. She's really enjoying her lessons. I wouldn't think she'd be able to start with traditional method.
Anyway, just thought if you're interested in getting your children to learn piano, this book is well worth a read.

    As seen by Susan @ 12:51 AM

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About Me

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My beloved
You hold me now
Some Chinese sayings
The Word becomes flesh
Audible voice
A few recent pictures
Back to school
The battle goes on

My other blog
Jia Lin

Some Other Posts
China trip
Death of seed
Mother's day thoughts
Rachel and Leah

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