 Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Forgiveness
I've been to councelling sessions many times and I've heard numerous teachings about forgiveness, I've done it so many times I thought I knew all about forgiveness until the issue with my Dad came up again.
My dad had been very abusive for most of my life. He had a serious problem with his temper. I grew up under the shadow of his rage.
I tried to forgive him many times. Yet he remained the same and I had to keep myself out of his reach so that I didn't have to forgive him again and again.
For a while my husband and I were trying to confront him telling him where he was wrong. We couldn't get anywhere. There was no way for him to see he did wrong and there was not a chance for him to say sorry.
Then I felt the Holy spirit whispered to me, "if you want him to say sorry, then you've got to say sorry first."
After battling for a while I decided to let the Holy spirit flow. I started out writing a letter, actually started out pretending, thinking I'd just throw it in the bin after I finished writing.
I told him in the letter exactly how I felt. I felt violated, suicidal,totally powerless as a little girl facing the rage of a violant,adult man. Then I told him that I hated him. And because of that hatred I failed to see his love for me and failed to love him as a daughter. I sincerely apologized to him and asked him to forgive me. I forgave him.
It cost me nearly a whole box of tissue while writing that letter. But I felt the flow of the Spirit. I couldn't believe the power and beauty of the words that came out of my letter. I didn't throw it in the pin....I couldn't wait to give it to him.
I gave my dad a couple hours quiet time to read my letter while my husband and I went out. And after I came back my dad collapsed before me. He totally remorsely repented. He suddenly realised for the first time in his life all the wrongs he did to everyone in the family and to the people around him. He couldn't felt more sorry. Then we took communion together and we hugged.
After he went home he repented to my brother. My brother wept and wept. He told me later that as an adult man he only cried twice in his life. The first time he was so hurt by my father's rage that he left home, and this the second time when my father apologized to him and asked him for forgiveness, he just couldn't stop crying.
My father has been a very different person ever since. Other people have kept telling me how different he has been since his visit to Australia.
He has become a very loving person. And he has been so supportive to me.
I'm so glad that I can have a loving dad again and I'm really thankful that God enabled us into reconciliation. It feels wonderful.
As seen by
Susan @ 10:35 PM
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