Ishmael
It's been a busy day yesterday. As usual, whenever I go to Hillsong women on Thursdays lately God will fill my spirit right up to the top. I had a full day,spiritually. It was loud and clear, heavy and strong. I wanted to write something, but by 2am I still hadn't got a chance and I was tired to think about words. I'm still too busy today, so I won't go into details now, maybe I'll write more about it later. But just a brief note.
I was having another psalm 51 experience. The spirit of repentance fell on me. I have been wondering somehow in the back of my mind why I've been having so much troubles in my walk of faith in the past year. And the Lord strongly convicted me that the promise that I received was from Him, just as the promise God had given to Abraham was right, but in my lack of wisdom and discerning, and pride, I've been creating Ishmaels. I only walked half way of the path of faith, and I mixed faith with the good intention of human heart and natural strength. By doing that, I actually created a platform for the enemy and I actually shoveled God out of the whole thing.
It's an intergrity issue. Good intentions and good deeds that look good are sin if it's not from the will of God. And if it's sin, it'll give the enemy a doorway and it'll produce wrong results.
So I repented. And I asked God to blow away whatever is chaff. I wanted to start all over again fresh.
Actually Ishmael means "God listens". It's a place of conviction and expression of mercy. If it's not for Ishmael, Abraham would probably have to wait another 25 years before he could figure it out and get it all right.
Well, it ends up not being that brief, I almost don't need to come back and write more details now. Hope it makes sense.
Must go, heaps of housework and packings to do today. I didn't even bother to take Ellie to school today, I just couldn't get out of bed, and neither could she.
Friday, May 28, 2004
