Just a few thoughts
Imagine your a bread seller trying to sell bread. What's the difference between selling them in a shopping centre here where there's another hundred shops are all trying to sell bread, and selling them in a third world country where people have been lining up for days dying for you to come? What's the difference in your feelings as a seller?
Well that's exactly how your feelings are when it comes down to missions. When you try to share your faith with people here, you meet so much rejection:people don't really want to know about your religion. But when your preaching in China or India, before you got there, they have been fasting for 15 days, they suck you bone dry and they're still begging you for more!
When I was in China, twenty churches share one Bible. Four thousand people get saved in one day so if you have been saved for a week, you are the pastor! When I am in Australia, one person has 20 Bibles, there're so many preachers and teachings around nobody wants to hear anything from you unless your really famous.
When I was in China, we had only a 5 square metre room, and 20 of us gathered in there, no carpet, 10 squeezed in a tiny single bed(just a bit bigger than a cot), and we worshipped from 5pm to 1am and we still didn't want to leave. When I'm in Sydney, sometimes in a most luxurious church building, two hours service is even too long.
When I go to a meeting back in China, I used to ride a bike for two and a half hours one way(once 5 of us went together and 3 bikes broke down on the way there, and we 5 had to ride 2 bikes plus pushing one bike back all the way and we were all laughing and singing ), but when I'm here, sometimes 10 minutes drive in the car to church is too much trouble.
Back in China we had very little teachings about giving, if any, on finances, yet a lot of us give whole weeks salary away. Over here I heard all kinds of teachings and exaltation from all possible different angles (believe me, they're all good), yet I find myself having more and more trouble in giving. (What's wrong with me?)
Before I left China, I so looked forward to a faith feast, but when I eventually got here I found myself constantly struggling with keeping the faith I had, and I'm getting colder and colder.
I used to go to meetings without knowing if I can come back alive every time, (believe me it's real, I had friends missing, killed and severely beaten) yet I didn't miss one week meeting. In fact, I went to 8 meetings in a week(plus a full time 8-5 job and two nights study). Here we have all the freedom to worship but sometimes I just don't feel like going to church.
Sometimes I really feel like going back, but what about my kids? I don't know.