Beautiful Day


    Thursday, December 16, 2004  
Shyness

Ellie has a beautiful gift in dancing. Sometimes when she dances in spirit, it really touches my heart. But the problem is, she's shy. If she realises that someone's watching her, she'd stop or she'd only do the technical part of dancing. That really frustrates me.

But then I can't blame her at all. I'm extremely shy myself. And I know the Lord is frustrated with me, extremely.

I think my shyness comes from the education and upbringing that I had. It's a culture thing of China. Shyness is regarded as a virtue, especially for females. Openly express one's feelings will just make one feel like some kind of prostitute or causing mockings. I was mocked badly when I was a child so somewhere I've made a decision to never express my feelings openly again. If I tried to dance or smile, even my sister or brother would laugh at me. And the worse part is, I started to laugh at myself.

I lost the ability to laugh out loud, and to be transparent. I always unintentionly try to hide myself behind a mask. And for most Chinese, this is how they live....always with a mask, that will only reveal a part of their true feelings.

Living in Australia has helped me a lot. People are a lot open and willing to share their emotions and feelings. I'm blessed to be able to go to Hillsong church, where their praise and worship is famous around the world, where people allow their inner joy to freely flow out and expressed through facial expressions, body languages...their whole being.

The Bible tells us that the light is not to be hidden, it's to be placed at an open place for people to see. We all have light inside of us. But for me, too many times, I have covered it tightly without letting it to shine out freely.

It has always been a battle for me not to be shy. Like if I have to pray publicly, I'd freeze. I feel extremely difficult if I need to move my body like to dance,etc. And I find it difficult to even tell my kids I love them. A lot of the time I hide myself behind humour, not that I'm good at humour, but at least they can cover me of my true feelings.

But then I find, being shy actually hurts the Lord so much. It actually caused me to miss so many chances to be a blessing to other people. The Lord wants me to be an expression for Him, to be a light for Him in this world, but shyness is just like using a quilt to cover the light. It's actually a sin.

It's easy to hide behind shyness so I don't have to feel vulnerable. But then when I do choose to be vulnerable I always feel the power of the Lord with me. I really need to grow in this strength until it becomes a habit.

Blogging has been a big help for me when it comes to expressing. I find it a lot easier to express myself in writing than any other means of communication.

But I need to constantly remind myself from now on, that shyness is a sin. And it's not something that I should hold on to or celebrate. Do you agree?

    As seen by Susan @ 11:35 AM

Back to Top
Back to Main Page



Comments: Post a Comment

www.ehsany.tk

The Archives
08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003 09/01/2003 - 10/01/2003 10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003 11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003 12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004 01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004 02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004 03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004 04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004 05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004 06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004 07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004 08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004 09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004 10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004 11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004 12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005 02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005 03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005 04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005 05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005 06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005 07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005 08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005 09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005 10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005 01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006 03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006 04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006 06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006 07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006 08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006 09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006 12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007 01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007 02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007 03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007 04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007 05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007 08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007 09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007 09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008 04/01/2010 - 05/01/2010 05/01/2011 - 06/01/2011

About Me
profile

Contact Me:

My picture

Previous
China
Creativity -- Bobbie Houston
Calling and love
Imaginations
No Hillsong today
China
Ellie
Happy Birthday to Jamie!!
Still hot
Delirious?

Links
My other blog
Aha
Liz
Blessings
Liu
superhero
Jia Lin
Sarah
Paul
Kerche
Grace
Philbaker
861
highschool
Matt
Happy
Dictionary
Reverse-dictionary

Some Other Posts
China trip
Ishmael
Allure
Death of seed
Mother's day thoughts
Rachel and Leah
Lock

Free PageRank Meter for xiuxin.blogspot.com




Weblog Commenting by HaloScan.com

eXTReMe Tracker