What a beautiful day!

My beloved

2011-05-13T01:12:00.002+10:00

The time is coming, the time is here;
Water is rising, Spirit is here;
Shout out His praise, the Master is rejoicing.

Come, My beloved, daughter of many treasures,
come to my dwelling place of the richest joy.

I've laid my nest, I've set my feast,
daughter of the most high king,
come away with Me.

My arms are ready, My heart is racing,
Come my bride,
come take your place!

"Soon"

2010-04-25T21:55:00.007+10:00

I was wondering what the meaning of worship is, like why do we do worship, and how is it going to do to us.And as I was preparing for the song "soon", I felt that I found some answers in this song.
Soon and very soon...The time is near, the time is here. Depends on how you take it, for unbelievers, it can mean never. For some, it can mean generations from now, Some has preached Jesus's coming next Thursday, if not next Thursday, it'll be the following Friday...but for the ones who "have a ear to listen and have an eye to see", It's NOW. At this very moment.

My King is coming...The Lord is knocking on the door of our hearts. He wants to come in, to live inside of us, and to live through us. When we worship, we're saying, "Lord, here I am, I'm opening myself to you, please come in, please come now!" And as we do that, we'll see His presence, we'll feel His love.

When I see Him I shall be made like Him......when we see Him, His manifested presence, we'll see the reality of things. We'll see what God sees, we'll hear His voice and know His will, do what God wants us to do, we'll have His heart, and have His power and anointing. We'll be transformed.

I'll be going to the place He has prepare for me....When Jesus left, He was going to prepare places for us. When He comes into our hearts, He'll take us to the places He has prepared for us. For example, when you listen to Hillsong songs, or when you listen to songs from "Streams of praise"赞美之泉, you know that many songs are from heaven, but they're from different "rooms" of heaven? Jesus has also made a room, a special room just for you, that only you can go, and only you can bring that anointing and gifting back to earth to represent that part of Him on earth. You can only be you, and only in Him you'll find the purposes that He has created and prepared for you. We'll find our callings and purposed in Him as we worship, and in that place we'll know that it's Him that has enabled us, and although we can fail and have inadequacies, it's not about human strength, it's purely His grace and loving kindness.

I will be with the One I love, with unveiled face I'll see him, there my soul will be satisfied....Jesus lives in us, and we live in Him. In Him we find who we are and our purposes, and He lives through us on earth. We're created for that intimate fellowship of abiding, and only in that place we'll find deep satisfaction and joy.I heard a preacher saying, he's been very busy doing ministry work, and he hasn't got time to play golf. Then one day he heard the Lord say to him, "why don't you play golf any more?" the preacher said, he was too busy. then he heard the Lord say, "but I like playing golf, and only when you play golf, I can play on earth...I enjoy a good game,but I can't play without you."

See the procession, the angels and the elders around the throneAt His feet I'll lay my crowns my worship....This takes our eyes off this world and see the reality of eternity. See His judgement, His evaluation of my life....see what's important and what's not in eternity. From that place Abraham can offer up Isaac, willing to kill his only beloved son, seeing the reward; from that place the disciples can just instantly leave behind their career, their families and everything else to follow Jesus; from that place 宋尚节 threw his doctor's degree from USA into the sea, and became a servant for God to China; and from that place Jesus went up to the cross.

My crowns: what's most important...what's my highest achievement, who I'm known as, what we hold onto closely and what's our core value.When we change our value to God's eternal value, it's true worship and true sacrifice.

Though I have not seen Him, my heart knows Him well...Jesus is real, He's alive, He lives in me ...we're in a relationship.....every day, every moment.....now. Jesus Christ the Lamb the Lord of heavenJesus Christ is our ultimate example to follow: on earth He's a lamb, but in heaven, in eternity, He's Lord of Lords!

You hold me now

2010-04-25T21:44:00.002+10:00

Last time when singing "still", I was thinking about our perspectives toward storms in life. Like Job in the Bible, although he lost everything for a while, God blessed him back double portion. There's blessings behind storms. If we look up to Jesus, like Peter stepped out of the water, we're actually closer to God on top of the storms, and we'll see His blessings, but if we look down on the storm, like Peter did looking down the water, we'll sink and lose perspective and lose faith and hope, and miss the blessings! If we jump on top of the storm, and go with the flow, we can actually surf! Or put it another way, it's like going on a rollercoaster ride, although looking scary on the outside, inside we're holding on to the safety bar and we know we'll be fine.

But life still happens. Sometimes we believed, and we prayed, we did all we knew how....and still things happen not like we'd like it the way to happen. Sometimes we lose,and have disappointments, but don't see blessed back straight away like Job did. "You hold me now" to me is about enlarging our perspective to eternity. Sometimes we can't understand God, even for a whole life time. Sometimes we don't see God's blessings straight away. But if we can remain our hope and trust in God, we know we'll see the whole picture in eternity.
Here're some examples, When Reinhard Bonnke first went to Nigeria, it didn't seem to be a success. He encountered massive persecution and hundreds of local christians were killed, and he had to flee out of the country with no obvious hope that he'd ever be back again. But 10 years later, there was millions of salvation when it's God's time to fight back. Those Christians killed were life seeds sowed into eternity for massive harvest. When Jesus died, people at the time thought all hope's gone, all is lost. But in eternity? well u know. Rachel and Leah's an interesting comparison. Rachel seemed to be a happy girl in her time, she won her man's favour. Leah seemed miserable in her lifetime, rejected by her husband. But in eternity? Matt2:18"A voice was heard in Ramah, weeping and great mourning, rachel weeping for her children; and she refused to be comforted, because they were no more." And Leah? well Jesus was her descendant!

Have you ever had a broken heart, have you ever even prayed like Leah..." Lord, let Jacob love me, I love him so much....don't give him to Rachel!" or "Let me be as pretty as Rachel..." and find God never answered your prayer? wow...look out, you might even have Leah's favour in eternity

God can never fail. If we put our trust and hope in Him, through joy and pain, we'll never lose in Him.Sometimes we can't see or understand it for our whole life time, or even for generations, only eternity can tell. Don't lose perspective. Don't let the enemy take your eyes away from Him and rob your heritage away in eternity through any kind of disappointments or set backs.

"For eternity, all my heart will give...." Let's sing it with our convictions!

Jamie

2008-09-22T16:47:00.001+10:00

It's been a year now since I last blogged about Jamie. She's well and healthy. Totally back to normal life. This is a recent photo of her at the snow.

Some Chinese sayings

2008-09-05T22:27:00.004+10:00

Found this in a Chinese blog:

1．爱加爱等于非常爱，爱减爱等于爱的起点，爱乘爱等于无限的爱，爱除爱等于惟一的爱。　　

2.对的时间遇对的人，是一生幸福；对的时间遇错的人，是一场心伤；错的时间遇错的人，是一段荒唐；错的时间遇对的人，是一声叹息。　　

3.铁饭碗产真实含义不是在一个地方吃一辈子饭，而是一辈子到哪儿都有饭吃。　　

4.所谓单相思，就是你把她/他放在心里面，她/他把你放在心外面。　　

5.听人说话只信一半是精明，知道哪一半可信才是聪明。　　

6.男人的拿手好戏是撒谎，女人的拿手好戏是撒娇。　　

7.老板着脸的人叫老板，总是裁人的人叫总裁。　　

8.嘴巴甜一点，脑筋活一点，行动快一点，效率高一点，做事多一点，说话轻一点，微笑多一点。———久经考验的上班族总结出来的成功之道。　　

9.情如鱼水是夫妻双方最高的追求，但是我们都容易犯一个错误，即总认为自己是水，而对方是鱼。　　

10.男人的年龄由自己来感觉，女人的年龄由别人来感觉。　　

11.当别人拒绝你的时候，或许可以试着用真诚和机智去打动他。　　

12.我之所以成功，或许就是因为我是抓住了万分之一的笨蛋，因为我凡事往好处想，别人以为我是傻瓜，但万分之一的可能毕竟意味着有可能。　　

13.要想成功，就要学会放弃，只有放弃眼前利益，才能获得长远大利。　　

14.诺言可以带来朋友，信守诺言才能维持友谊。　　

15.一扇幸福的门关闭的时候，另一扇就会打开，但我们经常长久地凝视那扇关闭的门，而忽略了那扇为我们打开的门。　　

16.朋友像棉被，真正使你温暖的是你自己的体温。　　

17.要成功，你需要朋友；要非常成功，你需要敌人；要真正成功，你需要战胜自己。　　

18.爱一个人就是在拔通电话时，突然不知道要说什么，才知道原来只是想听听那熟悉的声音，原来真正想拔通的，只是自己心底的一根弦。　　

19.把每一个黎明看作是你生命的开始，把每一个黄昏看作是你生命的小结。　　

20.无论什么时候打电话，拿起话筒的时候请微笑，因为对方能感觉到！　　

21.知道自己能够做些什么，说明你在不断地成长；知道自己不能够做些什么，说明你在不断地成熟。　　

22.再直的筷子，插进水里也是弯的。　　

23.失恋之所以痛苦，是因为对方的心收了回去，而自己的心还不肯回来。　　

24.努力地工作，就像不苛求回报一样；真诚地去爱，就像从来没有受过伤害一样；投入地跳舞，就像没有人在一旁看着你一样。这样的生活，肯定可以给你带来快乐。　　

25.口袋里无钱，存折里无钱，但心里装满钱的人最苦；口袋里有钱，银行里有钱，但心中无钱，此为大福也！　　

26.摆脱孤独的最好方法就是喜欢孤独；时间抓起来是黄金，抓不起来就是流水。　　

27.活着就是一切，活着就是乐，活着也有苦，苦里却也有乐；就如一片树叶，我该生的时候，我生气勃勃地来，长我的绿，现我的形，到该落的时候了，我痛痛快快地去，让别的叶子又从我的落疤里新生。　　

28.生命并非一个发现的过程，而是一个创造的过程。你并不是在发现你自己，而是在重新创造你自己。所以，别急于发现你是谁，而该急于决定你想做谁。　　

29.爱情是音乐：初恋是轻音乐，热恋是摇滚乐，结婚是通俗音乐，离婚是流行音乐。　　

30.一位女士靠在邻座陌生男士的肩上睡着了，这是一个故事；一位男士靠在邻座陌生女士的肩上睡着了，这是一个事故。

The Word becomes flesh

2008-09-05T13:23:00.005+10:00

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Gord was God...And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us..."(John 1:1.....14)
Do you realise that the Word is still alive, and He's living in us?
Do you hear Him? Do you prophesy? Do you have revelation? Do you know that there's a voice, a Word that speaks in you when your "ears" are turned on?
Then that's Him. The Word in you, if you can hear, is the flesh of Jesus.

When you hear the word, I mean fresh rhema word, the whisper in your spirit, do you also feel a passion, a new heart in you as well? Well, that's the blood of Jesus, pumped into you by the air you breathe, which is the Holy Spirit, from the Father's heart. Can you feel Father's heart in you when you hear His Word? Blood always goes hand in hand with the air we breathe, which is to sustain the flesh.

Do you want Jesus to live in you? Then pay attention, He is! You have the flesh, the blood, and the air...... Are you living for Him, or in other words, let Him live in you, or are you crucifying Him, or walking away from Him? Are you responding to the word in you?

The Word is not black and white words as in Bible. It's not religious. He spoke when He created heaven and earth, He spoke at the times when the Bible was written, and He's still speaking. When you respond to this Word, you'll have the heart for it, and the power and presense of the Holy Spirit.

Yes, He's alive....in me! Isn't that awesome!

Audible voice

2007-09-03T21:39:00.000+10:00

Jamie heard a voice calling her name last night. We believe that she heard an audible voice of God. She was in bed, but she was fully awake.

Peter had a few experiences like that before. The last time he did, when I just got pregnant with Bode, he heard a clear voice saying,"it's a boy!" while brushing his teeth. Although the ultrasound lady told us it's a girl, he still believed we had a boy, and it turned out to be Bode.

Jamie's been amazing. She's been back to school for quite a while now. Even at hospital days, she'd still go to school for the morning session and I'd pick her up at morning tea time like 11:30 or so and took her to hospital just before they close, and if we finish early, she'd go back to school for the last hour.... She's been back to dance and choir for a while, too.
Last Friday I borrowed 50 books for her from the library and by Sunday she's already finished.
She's doing quite good with school work, doesn't seem to fall behind.
She's so strong and resilient in her spirit.
She's developed a "niche anointing" for carparks... Every time we needed a car park space, we'd just get her to pray, and we always seemed to get one. Sometimes we forgot to ask her to pray, and we couldn't find any space, and as soon as we got her to pray, someone would pull off just right in front of us! (LOL)

A few recent pictures

2007-08-31T19:50:00.000+10:00

Back to school

2007-05-22T19:11:00.000+10:00

Jamie went back to school today (yay!). Thanks Kerry :)

She should have been back much earlier, but she didn't want to. She quite enjoyed staying home. But over the weekend she was invited to a school friend's birthday party and that really motivated her to go back to school.

She still didn't feel quite comfortable about the break time at school, so she wanted me to pick her up before morning tea break this morning. She just wanted to go there for a short while. But when I picked her up, she was quite happy there and wanted to stay longer. She asked if she can go to school for the whole day tomorrow...

The hospital has sent a community nurse to the school to talk to the staff meeting and also to her class. So they're all well prepared... Jamie felt very welcomed back to school.

The battle goes on

2007-05-19T11:50:00.000+10:00

Since the blog post of the bone marrow test result, quite a few people have asked me the question, so is she healed? will the treatment stop,etc.?

Well from the doctors' point of view, it's an expected result for this stage. It should happen for most patients to have the cancer in remission at this stage of treatment. But they'll not say a patient is cured until the cancer is clear for at least 5 years. The treatment plan for Jamie goes on for at least 2 years.

I guess that in some way cancer's a bit like head lice. It's easy to get rid of live head lice after some brushing and combing, but then the battle comes in dealing with the nits. If the nits are not completely dealt with, then the hair might appear to be clean, but after a while the lice will come back.

So likewise in remission doesn't mean the finish of treatment. The treatment will still go on to deal with the hidden nits of cancer.

She's in treatment protocol 1, which is nearly coming to an end. Then she'll start another block of treatment, which includes staying in the hospital for 4 days or so every fortnight for 4 times.

Jamie's been coping quite well. She's been doing heaps of things, like walking around on roller skates, falling off Billy cart, walking around shopping centres, running, jumping with the eye toy game,etc. She's been quite cheerful most of the times.

Neutrophil

2007-05-09T11:57:00.000+10:00

It's been quite good these last few days, although I felt a bit lazy about blogging.

Jamie's been doing heaps of things, going out shopping, library, park, feeding ducks at the lake, restaurants, reading heaps of books, doing school works...... She's got heaps of energy. She doesn't sleep during the days, and she's always the first one to wake up in the mornings.

We went to hospital on Tuesday this week, and then the nurse comes every day till Friday.

Her platelet continued to be good, and her white cell and Neutrophil count had a big jump. Her neutrophil count had been between 0.3-0.8, and yesterday was 3.1, white cell from previous 1.6 to 4.2 which was quite an improvement as well.

She doesn't want to go to school until her chubby cheek goes down.

She has stopped taking steroids, but her appetite is still quite good....but no more 3am meals(thank goodness!)...

We're all in good spirit.

Blessings from day 11

2007-05-06T19:10:00.000+10:00

I was reading the book "Blessing Your Spirit", and here at day 11's blessing, these few passages kept lingering over my thoughts:

"I bless you with enough problems in life and God's rescuing you from those problems that you no longer fear problems because they become an opportunity for God to show Himself strong. I bless you with the blessing that Daniel had of living so long with God and experiencing His faithfulness so many times that when he was in the lion's den, he was not overwhelmed with fear. The animals' mouths were bound, and they could not bite him.

I bless you, with the same security that David had, to walk into the enemy's camp and leave with Saul's spear and water bottle. I bless you with experiencing your Father's intervention so often and on such a profound level that you are emotionally secure. I bless you with seeing Him do remarkable things to rescue you, so that you can go before God's people and share glory stories of what God did on your behalf, and how He activated events to rescue you from the trap of the enemy designed to destroy you.

........

I bless you with not just enjoying the emotion of release and rescue, but also translating those experiences into acts of worhip. I bless you with worshiping and glorifying God, encouraging His people, and memorializing His power after a magnificent rescue....."

Blessing your spirit

2007-05-03T20:02:00.000+10:00

I am tremendously blessed by the concepts of this ministry. (click on today's blessing and listen to it for a few days!)

If you've been into deliverance, inner healing,etc. and found yourself saying, there's got to be a better way, then this might really interest you. A cousellor friend of mine who's highly experienced in deliverance and inner healing introduced this concept to me. She ministered to me over the phone for a few days and I'm just overwhelmed by the power of this concept. It's very contagious.

The bone marrow test

2007-05-01T00:19:00.000+10:00

Today started a new phase of treatment. For the next coming four weeks she'd only need to go to the hospital once a week, then a nurse will come home to give her some injections 3 times a week. Well this is the treatment plan, but anything can change any time.

The bone marrow test came out very good. There's no cancer shown in the bone marrow test...Yay! So the treatment has been very effective. The blood count had a big jump...her platelet count has been very low for a long time, usually around 20-30. She had to be given platelet just about every week, which will push the number up to over 100 for a few days then dropped back to 20 or so again. She hasn't been given platelet for maybe 2 weeks now, but the number today is 356. So that's a good thing.

An early morning trip to the hospital

2007-04-29T23:14:00.000+10:00

Jamie has been quite cheerful in the last couple of days. She's been reading heaps and eating heaps. Sometimes I find it hard to catch up with her....she eats a meal every two hours!

She's been feeling quite well except when she wakes up in the middle of the night she'd have tummy pains. We gave her some panadol then usually she'd go back to sleep in a few minutes.

But last night she woke up around 3am and was crying of tummy pain.... then she complained of a suspicious chest pain. Peter rang up the hospital and they told him to bring her in straight away. So Peter took her in around 5am. And on the way to the hospital a friend (one of her dance teachers) sent a SMS on Peter's mobile asking how Jamie was and then said that she was praying for her....(at 5am!) Well this is very cool.

The doctors did some tests on Jamie and said she was fine. And they came home around 9am......phew!

The blood count has jumped up quite a bit, which is a very good thing.

Jamie said she just can't stop smiling these days....hmm

I asked her if she was tired being up since 3am, she said no, and she wanted to go to bowling...
We ended up playing some card games then she had quite a few friends over to play for the whole afternoon. She played for a long time in the backyard....swings, trampoline...making lots of noises.

Tomorrow will start a new phase of chemo therapy. It'll be a big day for her at the hospital for the first day, having 6 hours of treatment...then a nurse will come to give her treatment at home for a few days....this pattern will go on for a few weeks.

1st visit back to school

2007-04-26T14:42:00.000+10:00

Finally Jamie had her bone marrow test done today.....

Peter took her in around 7:30am this morning, and by the time I arrived at the hospital at 9:30am, she's nearly finished. Normally I had to wait a couple hours before any treatment even started. We waited for a while for her to wake up and then had a bit of rest, then we left the hospital at around 10:30 (hooray!).

She feels quite happy today, so I took her to Parramatta the vietnamese noodle shop again(of course!)for some lunch. She ate a whole big serve all by herself. Then we went to the shopping centre....she got some nice clothes, hat, shoes, backpack for her new build-a-bear, then some clothes and shoes for herself at pumpkin patch.

She still wasn't feeling tired and she was quite bubbling, so I took her to school for a visit. Her teacher and friends at school were all quite excited and happy to see her......they had so many questions!

I think she might like to go back to school soon....maybe next week.

A passage from the book "Dream Language"

2007-04-24T23:52:00.000+10:00

I read a few pages from a book called "Dream Language" by James W. and Michal Ann while at hospital. I found this passage quite interesting and encouraging:

"One dream that had great significance for me personally occurred in August 2003. I saw a great army coming up to me. Huge in number, the closer they got the more formidable they seemed to me. I began to fear that they were going to overwhelm me completely. Then, suddenly, the whole perspective of my dream changed. I was standing on a horizontal plain, on the same level as they, and as they approached I began to grow, rising up until I saw two or three times my normal stature. Now I was looking down on my enemies. That huge army, once so formidable in appearance, now seemed to be nothing more than little stick figures only a few inches tall, lined up in neat little rows.

As I surveyed this changed scene, a word came to me on the wind(often a sign of angelic activity):"And your enemies shall become like grasshoppers in your own sight."

I woke up and thought, "Wow! that will really preach good!" I thought the dream was imparting a message for me to teach others --and it may have been. However, about three weeks later I found a suspicious lump under my skin, which quickly grew to the size of a cluster of grapes. I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma cancer.

I thought back to my dream of a few weeks before. Little had I "dreamed" at the time that I would be the one who needed the message of that dream! Yet God knew. Isn't He such a gracious and merciful and loving Father! .........."

Home sweet home

2007-04-24T18:05:00.000+10:00

Jamie still didn't do her bone marrow test today....the white cell is still too low. But she was discharged from the hospital. Finally she gets to have some undisturbed sleep.

She'll need to go to the clinic at the hospital on Thursday this week. Again, if her blood count is good, she'll have her bone marrow test done then.

Budgie

2007-04-23T16:47:00.000+10:00

Yesterday (Sunday)Jamie came home again for the afternoon and went back to the hospital in the evening. Today's the same, afternoon break and back in the evening. She's been having antibiotic for a few days and today they stopped. Her blood count is good this morning. She's scheduled again for the bone marrow test tomorrow, if the blood count tomorrow morning is still ok. Then hopefully she can come home after that.

She finds it very hard to sleep at the hospital, although she's always in bed. The machine which gives her blood and medicine beeps every few minutes and the nurse comes in every few minutes....plus she's not used to sharing the room with daddy....he snores so loud! (LOL)

She quite likes her new look, and actually she said she wanted to keep her hair this short even if the hair grows back. She looked at the mirror and said she looked like a little budgie, so my husband calls her budgie as a nick name now.

A nice little break for a new look

2007-04-21T20:12:00.000+10:00

Jamie's been staying in hospital since Wednesday and will probably be in hospital for a few more days. But today she's allowed to come home for just a few hours in between treatments.

She left hospital just after 12, and we took her to castle towers for some vietnamese noodle soup. She had three bowls of noodles. Then we got her a new hat and some games.

Some friends came over to play with her. A friend of mine who's a hairdresser gave her a haircut. Not a complete shave, but more like a Bode's look. She did it while the friends were around and she didn't mind. She's quite happy with the new look and she likes to wear the new hat. She was quite bored at the hospital so this little break brought a lot of smiles to her. Then she had to return to the hospital at 5pm.

Bode's been quite sick for the last couple of days. High fever. So it's been a bit tricky juggling between the two of them. Yesterday I had to tell Peter to take a day off work. He's much better now. I hope tomorrow he'll be back to normal.

Back in hospital

2007-04-18T18:20:00.000+10:00

Jamie was scheduled to do a bone marrow test today to see how she's going with chemo, but was canceled as she wasn't well enough. Her white cell is too low. She has coughs. And she has a bit of temperature. So she was admitted back to the hospital for a few days until her condition improves.

She's been quite moody. Her hair has fallen out a lot, but she refuses to have them cut or wear a hat. So she's looking a bit awkward but she doesn't care.

She's not at the camperdown ward this time. Because she's got the coughs, so they put her at the variety club ward, 3rd floor, same end as camperdown ward, but walk along towards the car park.

My previous experience with leukemia

2007-04-14T12:53:00.000+10:00

About 15 years ago I was working at a uni in Beijing. I was fellowshipping with 3 other Christians as a small group at the time. One day one of them told me that one of her workmates who was a teacher at the uni got leukemia and was at the hospital. I don't know this teacher but we decided that three of us would go visit her at the hospital.

At that time I guess there was no efficient cure for leukemia. She stayed at one of the top hospitals in Beijing, and according to the hospital record since the hospital was founded, there was only one patient who got out of the hospital after 6 months of treatment. The teacher had quite severe leukemia and she was given 3 months to live.

When we got to the hospital, she looked quite pale. Both she and her husband were very depressed. They were both communist party members. My Christian friend shared with her about our faith and offered to pray for her. They were not quite sure about becoming Christians but agreed to let us pray for her. So we did.

A week later we went back to the hospital to see her. She looked really happy and her face looked normal. She told us that all her tests came out to be normal, and she just needed to excercise a bit from lying on the bed so much. A month later she went back to work.

Read till you drop !

2007-04-14T09:13:00.000+10:00

Jamie's been feeling a lot better these days. She went to church at Hillsong women on Thursday, went to the library yesterday, she wanted us to take her out to the club for dinner or bowling last night but we didn't end up taking her, and she's now at the waves swimming pool watching other kids swim. She didn't want to go anywhere before.

We borrowed a lot of books from the library yesterday around lunch time. And before Jamie went to bed last night, she's read about 50 books!

Bode's turning one!

2007-04-13T10:02:00.000+10:00

It's Bode's birthday today....yay!!

I don't think Bode can care less about his birthday.... but Jamie's been so excited about his first birthday. She's been counting down the days, and she's been planning. She wanted us to take him to lollipops or playgyms, and then take him to a Vietnamese restaurant for noodle soup, and to RSL club for dinner.... She wrapped up his presents and waited beside his bed for him to wake up this morning and taught him how to open his presents...... she's such a little teacher.

Treatmentwise she's been coping well. Blood pressure is still slightly high, but she hasn't been complaining much about headaches. She has strong cravings for food, like yesterday at hospital she called daddy that she wanted Vietnamese chicken noodle soup, so poor daddy had to go to the restaurant in parramatta to get her some. Then she woke up 2am and had a huge bowl of pasta. Sometimes she can be a bit moody. When she gets bored, she bites her nails....there's absolutely nothing left in the nails for her to bite, but she still plays and bites nails for hours.... anyone has any clue how to deal with this? Every time she goes to hospital, she has to have two needles, one on finger and one on bottom. She doesn't mind the finger one too much, but she hates the bottom one. But finally there's only one more to go and she's so looking forward to when it's all finished. (well for this treatment phase at this stage) After next week it'll get a lot easier, she'll be mostly at home, and a nurse will come home to give her some chemo treatments. She will need another bone marrow test next week to see how it's going.

Easter

2007-04-11T15:10:00.000+10:00

Jamie's been feeling heaps good since last Thursday. She hasn't been complaining much at all of any pains. She's been eating very well.

We had a very peaceful Easter. The highlight for the kids was an Easter egg hunt in the house. Jamie's been given so much chocolate over the last couple of weeks but she hasn't been eating any of them until Easter Sunday. (well she had 3 little eggs that's all.) She hasn't been wanting any chocolates...

We're at the hospital Tuesday and Thursday for this week. She's mostly home other times. She hasn't been wanting to go out much except a library trip for some books.

Some recent pictures

2007-04-09T23:00:00.000+10:00

Some old pictures of Jamie

2007-04-08T10:09:00.000+10:00

I haven't got around to sort out the recent pictures, but here're some of the old pictures of Jamie that I have posted on this blog

A quiet afternoon

2007-04-07T19:12:00.000+10:00

So we went to the fish n chip shop near church for lunch. Jamie was really happy there. We were planning to go to the market for some wig after lunch, but it started pouring rain. So I decided to take baby and Jamie home while the rest went on with the shopping trip.

I asked Jamie if she wanted to do anything: watching a movie, having a friend over,etc. She said, nothing, just feel like a rest. So I let her rest, and I put baby to sleep. When I came out, I found she was reading a Bible. It's a kids Bible. I didn't suggest to her, or give the book to her. She found it on the bookshelf by herself. By the time daddy came home, she had read most of the kids Bible, and also a bit of Joyce Meyer's book, "Battlefield of the mind for kids". She told daddy, "I loved reading this Bible, it's so interesting! .......daddy, on my birthday, I only want books, so can you give me lots of books as presents?"

How sweet.

Well daddy didn't find a wig in the market. But I got one on ebay, it looks like this, Jamie picked it out herself.

Oh happy day

2007-04-07T10:11:00.000+10:00

Jamie came to my bedside around 5am this morning, "Can I have some vegies now?" So I got up and cooked and she ate a whole bowl of green vegies and some rice.

She came to our bedside again at 7am, with a big bright smile on her face,"I'm feeling good today, let's go to the fish n chip shop!" So Peter got up and made her some hot cross bun. She had two and still wanted more, then I told her to wait for a while otherwise she'd have a sore tummy. I went back to my room and put baby to sleep. By the time I came out, she had eaten another pile of hot chips and 6 nuggets...and she wanted to have a mango as well, and she still couldn't wait to go to the fish n chip shop for lunch.....oh my gosh.

Then she showed daddy a bunch of hair in her hand that she just pulled out......

Oh well, at least she's happy and she's been a chatter box all morning. :)

Roller Coaster

2007-04-06T13:03:00.000+10:00

Yesterday at Hillsong women, Jamie went up to the front, and a few key pastors led the whole church prayed over her. It was such a moment. Pastor Bobbie gave her several CD and DVDs and a huge chocholate. While we were all praying, I felt my hands shaking, which is quite unusual.

Chemo starts to get a bit hard on Jamie. Although we explained to her a few times, and she read the book about chemo herself, I don't think she quite understands what's happening. Yesterday at the hospital, she had a big cry when it was the needle time again. Then last night, she lashed out on daddy, and refused to take medicine. She thought it was all daddy's fault......it was daddy who insisted on having a blood test to her, and ever since that she hasn't stopped having to have medicines and needles...and the more medicines she had, the sicker she felt...... she doesn't quite get it why so many people suddenly become so nice to her, either.

She constantly has tummy ache and headache, and in between that she has cravings for food.
Like yesterday before Hillsong women, she had a piece of raisin toast, and then for the whole morning she just kept asking me,"mommy, can I have another piece of raisin toast?" I asked her later what she liked most about church, and she said.....the toast (lol)
Usually it's quite an effort to get her to eat one spoonful of green leafy vegies, but last night she ate a whole bowl of green vegies by herself and she still kept thinking about it the whole night, and asked me for that this morning....I had to go to the shops to get some more this morning so she could have that for breakfast....(well she had dropped the toast already)...sounds like how I felt when I was pregnant.

Life at the moment feels like a roller coaster. Although there're some sudden turns and some scary moments, even some screams, inside I know I have a safety belt and I'm holding on tightly to the safety bar. It's a journey....an unusual type of journey.....it's a roller coaster ride time!!! (BTW, roller coaster is Jamie's favourite ride, she's never scared of it.)

Today at hospital

2007-04-04T00:12:00.000+10:00

I took Jamie, Kate and Bode to the hospital today. It was supposed to be a short treatment, about an hour or so. So I thought it should be easy.......but I ended up spending like 5 hours.

Jamie had headache again, not as bad as last time which she was screaming, but enough to cause some concern. Her blood pressure went up, as a side effect of the medication. So we had to stay a few more hours in the hospital until the blood pressure came down and she felt well enough to go home. She had some blood transfusion today. She had put on 2 kg since last week. She didn't have much to eat during the day as she didn't feel very well, but she had a big dinner. Poor Peter had to get up every morning like 3am to cook something for her as she's so hungry. She's looking very chubby and rounded now.

Bode got quite sick by the end of the day. I think I might have to take him to the doctor tomorrow.

This week so far

2007-04-01T15:39:00.000+10:00

It's been a very busy week. I was trying to keep things as normal as possible. Jamie's coping ok with chemo. She threw up quite a few times, and complained of tummy aches after she ate. Apart from hospital visits, she had been staying home. She's on steroids at the moment, so that helps her eat. Sometimes she'd wake up midnight craving for food. So it's actually quite funny to see her suddenly becoming chubby and with a round tummy. She might become quite big in a couple of weeks....but the weight will be lost soon after she stops the medication.

She went to hospital again on Thursday and had some blood transfusion, which made her feel a bit better. She looked quite pale and lethargic in the morning. She came home after 7pm.

Tomorrow (Monday)will be a big day for her at the hospital. She will need to do a bone marrow test and a few other treatment. She will need to go to hospital on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday next week.

I've been on a Daniel fast(and here) since last Thursday. So if you find me looking a bit slim..... don't be worried. I guess it's a good chance to lose all those baby weight. :)

By the grace of God

2007-03-27T00:42:00.000+10:00

Today is a new day of reality.
Peter went back to work. He took a whole week off to be with Jamie, he's a really good dad. Jamie said the best thing out of all this is that she got to spend time with daddy.
But he had to go back to work. So it started the first day of responsibilities mostly on me.
I was a bit nervous at the beginning of how this all gonna work. Bode, my 11 month baby, was a bit sick for a couple of days, a bit of fever and cold, so he had been very clingy. I could hardly put him down on the floor for just a few minutes or having a friend cuddle him...he would scream straight away.
I had organised for him to be in childcare today, but in the back of my mind I had thought over and over if I should cancel that, because it just didn't seem it'd work. What if he kept screaming as soon as I got in hospital? It's about 30 minutes drive. What if half way through treatment the childcare wanted me to pick him up? Maybe I should just keep him with me.

Well, I decided to still give it a go with childcare. I dropped Ellie, Kate, and Bode at three different places, school and different childcare for Kate and Bode. Then I took Jamie to the hospital. They took some blood, then we went to the clinic for chemo treatment. There was about 2 hour wait. Jamie coped very well. She had to have needles on finger and bottom. It was very unpleasant to watch, but she didn't cry at all. She just held my hands very tight when it hurt. The nurses were very kind and skillful. She did a lot of drawings and color-ins while waiting. It was quite a long wait, the other patients told me to just get used to it.....there're gonna be lots of hospital visits, at least twice a week for now. Meanwhile I sorted out car park ticket, medicines from the pharmacies, got some lunch from the canteen,etc. Amazingly, the childcare didn't ring.

I found myself saying again and again today, by the grace of God, by the grace of God. ......By the grace of God, I got a carpark space in the peak hour of the busiest day, by the grace of God, Jamie went well with all the treatment, and nothing went wrong, by the grace of God, Bode settled quite well in the childcare, I picked him up at nearly 4pm and he was quite happy, by the grace of God, the treatment finished at 2:40pm, just in time for me to rush back to school to pick up Ellie at 3pm......by the grace of God, the first day of hospital visit when everything is new and unfamiliar to me I was able to go with just Jamie and I had somewhere to drop off all the other kids...by the grace of God someone dropped us a meal at dinner time to ease the burden....

There're so many things to be thankful in the last week. I could hardly write them all down. I did try to collect them in my notebook and I got a long list...
One thing I decided to do is try to be aware of God's blessing, to be aware of how the angels fill in the gaps. God's grace is sufficient. Where there's trouble, grace abounds. I remember Donna Crouch used to preach, look out for blessings....when her daughter broke her arms God wispered in her spirit, look out for blessings.....I remember Venessa preached, collect your harvest, pick one fruit at a time, keep picking them and you'll soon have a whole basket of fruit and that's how you have your harvest....

Every night before retiring for the day I'd like to retreat to my journal book and write down God's whispers in my spirit. And I found it so refreshing and encouraging. He filled up my strength during these moments so that I had peace to go on the next day.

Yes, one day at a time. I'm just so thankful for God's grace in my life.

I can write so much more, but it's 1:30am now. I'd better go.

Jamie came home

2007-03-25T21:08:00.000+10:00

I was just at the colour conference when suddenly Peter rang me, "Jamie's got leukemia..."
So I rushed to the hospital. Somehow that morning I just didn't feel like going to the conference. I didn't know why, usually I'm quite passionate about colour. I've actually said I didn't want to go, but the friends who stayed at my place convinced me to go, and Peter even agreed to take the baby for me for the day. So I went....but only stayed in the conference for 20 minutes or so.

Jamie has been complaining about a backache and tommy ache for 2-3 weeks. It started at a dance lesson. So I thought she must have hurt a muscle somewhere. I did take her a couple of times to a doctor, and had her x-rayed. I've registered her for colour kids, but then her school had an excursion and she really wanted to go, so I let her go with the school while other kids went with me to colour. Around mid day the school rang me telling me that she threw up and needed us to pick her up. So Peter went to school and took her to a doctor. Peter asked for a blood test, the doctor looked at him, and said, are you sure you want a blood test? And Peter insisted. She was quite fine after school, and even went for her art lessons. The next day the doctor rang Peter up, saying the blood test result was very serious, and Jamie needed to be sent to the hospital straight away.

So we spent the whole week in the hospital. She was confirmed of leukemia the next day. And chemo started on Monday. Jamie's such a brave little girl. Once a nurse poked deep into her arm for 10 minutes trying to get some blood and kept poking at the wrong spot. Peter couldn't even look at her. She had tears rolling down her eyes, but she didn't make a sound. She cooperated so well that the nurses said she's the best patient in the whole ward.

Peter took a week off work and stayed with her day and night, while I spent most of the days there but came home with other kids for the nights. The support and encouragement from church, school and friends are just overwhelming. The hospital facilities are just fantastic.

She was staying at the Westmead children's hospital. It's such a children friendly place. My other kids were having such a good time there. The support from the hospital staff and volunteers are amazing. While she was staying there, there were school teachers offering schoolings, play therapists came and play with her and do arts and crafts, hundreds of videos and dvds, computer games everywhere, entertainers, singers came to her bed to sing songs for her and even offer free guitar lessons....hundreds of people were praying for her.... she went into hospital with a small bag, and she came home with a full car of presents and stuff.....

She came home yesterday(Sat), as an out patient now. We'll just be going to hospital for treatments, but will be living at home. She'll be staying home for a while as it's the changing season time, lots of colds and flus around.

It's a challenging time for all of us. But I believe God's grace is sufficient. God will turn every situation around for good. Please continue to stand with us in prayer and faith.

Jamie

2007-03-18T15:07:00.000+11:00

My beautiful daughter Jamie has just been confirmed of Leukemia. She's been in hospital since yesterday which we just found out. Poor little thing has to go through a few operations this week and extensive treatment over at least the next two years.

Please pray for her!! We believe in miracles.

Purpose of deserts

2007-03-02T09:05:00.000+11:00

I used to think that desert is a kind of punishment. Because we did something wrong, then we ended up in desert.

Now I've changed my way of looking at this. You see, Moses spent 40 years of his life learning how to do desert, finding all the routes, tricks and life skills on how to survive in desert, so that later on he could practically lead people to do desert. It'll be hard for a prince in the palace to cope with leadership role in the desert. Abraham spent 13 years of his life learning how to be a parent on a practical level before he was entrusted with a heaven blessed boy. Joseph spent numerous years of his life in the prison learning from other prisoners all the mistakes they'd made that upset Pharaoh, so that later when he was working with pharaoh, he was wise enough not to upset him and made him happy enough to trust him on a daily practical basis. Imagine how hard it is to live with a bossy pharaoh?

There're lots of practical lessons and skills to be learnt in the place of desert, which is to build up the character that's needed in order to handle the job that God would want you to do. It's like an Olympian, before the glory, before the championship, there has to be sweaty trainings. There has to be practical skills to be learnt, practical muscles to be built up before the real talent, real gift and real calling can emerge.

Cowboy Bode

2007-02-10T18:08:00.000+11:00

Word for kids

2007-01-20T09:45:00.000+11:00

I found this website through a search, which offers free online prophecies. And here are the prophecies for the kids:

Ellie- there are many things inside of you, placed there by the Lord,and He is going to bring them out of you in His timing. Be free toexpress yourself, and learn to be confident in Him, and Him only, evenabove self-confidence. You will be a warrior in His Kingdom.

Jamie- There are little things which sometimes bother you about others.The Lord says to you, "I have placed a discerning strength in you, andyou are sensitive to My things of My Spirit. This is from Me. Learn totemper that discernment with grace and mercy, because you have strongspiritual gifts" Jamie, watch out for emotional games of boys, becauseyou are always going to attract people on an emotional and spirituallevel above and beyond what others normally do. The reason for that is,they will be attracted to the anointing on your life.

Kate- God says, "You are My little intellectual. I will give you acareer, and I will mold you into My King's Daughter. I will use you inthe marketplace, and I will cause you to have a shepherding heart."

Bode- "I call you My little shepherd boy, and you will express My loveto so many people, and you will always have a heart for those who arerejected. This is My heart you will have" says the Lord.

Kids

2007-01-14T00:10:00.000+11:00

The jumping Castle in the backyard, and Bode

2007-01-13T23:18:00.000+11:00

Holiday

2007-01-12T17:07:00.000+11:00

We went to Port Macquarie and NewCastle(Marks point, which is just down the road from swansea)for Christmas and New year's day. Kids had great fun.

At Newcastle, my husband was talking to some neighbours of the friends we were staying with. They were muslims, lebanese. They got saved during our stay. My husband got quite excited by this experience and he seemed to be fired up quite a bit after that. He even said something like, let's sell the house and go full time into missions,etc. hmmm...

Me?....I haven't been feeling spiritual at all these days. Just feeling flat out with kids all the time.

Ellie's doing really well in school and piano. She got the academic achievement award again this year. She reads a lot. We borrow 40 books at a time from the local library, and two three days later she's already finished. Now we even have trouble finding books to borrow, as she's nearly read all the age approapriate books available from the library. She reads a chapter book (novel) in half an hour.

Kate started piano lesson, too. She's very bright. The teacher couldn't believe she's only just turned four. She's a great student being 4 years old. She listens carefully and sits still for the whole lessons and she loves practising. Now she can play quite a few songs already. We'll try to put her in school this year although her birthday is a bit behind the cutoff date. She'll start dancing this year,too.

Jamie's not yet interested in any instrument, but she loves dancing. She's quite a leader. She loves playing with younger kids which she can be their little teacher. She reads stories to Kate a lot.

Bode just started crawling. He's really cute. Everybody loves him. He doesn't like babyfood. But he'll try to eat any kind of adult food. He hates to be spoon fed and he would not take a bottle. He has to feed himself, which means every time after he eats we'd have to take him for a shower.

The weather's been very strange here in Sydney this year. It's been very cool for summer(like around 22 degrees). Too cold for swim most of the days. But today it's hot, over 40 degrees. The kids are doing a lot of swimming lessons in holidays.

Peter has been in holidays at home, which is so nice. He does a lot of things with kids. But next Monday he'll start working again.

Very random updates

2006-12-03T22:21:00.000+11:00

Sorry folks, I haven't been blogging much at all. I might take some big breaks. Sometimes I feel like taking the blog down...I don't know why I keep blogging. I never know who's reading my blog. It seems most of the people that visit my blog these days just want to find out about Marty Sampson or Joel Houston, which I don't know anything about. But from the search phrases, it was Marty Sampson girlfriend, then Marty Sampson engagement, then it changed to Marty Sampson wife, Marty Sampson getting married Marty Sampson wedding....so that might indicate something...(lol). I just checked the tracker today, and there's this search phrase,"Joel Houston needs a girlfriend." huh??

Sounds like I'm a teenager.

It's the crazy time of the year, I hope everyone's having a great time shopping...

Just had Jamie's birthday party at home over the weekend. I don't know why I have decided to have all the 3 kids party at home this year...and they really have made me busy. We bought a big jumping castle for the parties. But then Ellie's party day was a raining day the whole day. Jamie's? We did make it the first part of the party, and then it started pouring rain. It's funny Sydney's normally in dought!
I've got to post some more photos, and I forget again how to do that...

Kids are involved the Christmas Spectacular again this year at Hillsong, and between this week and next week they'll be in 9 big performances and numerous rehearsals,with an expected audience altogether about 35,000 people, plus next week they'll have a dance school concert, and then Ellie's got to prepare a piano item to play at concert as well.

And of course there're parties...school concerts...

Bode's really cute and cuddly these days. He's 8 months now. Very very clingy. So my hands are almost always full.

So as you can see, we're having lots of fun ....

Imagine

2006-09-21T09:45:00.000+10:00

When I was a child, I had an imaginery world. Quite often I'd hide away to this fantasy world and let my imagination took me away from reality. I'd be living in there for hours sometimes days. It lasted a long time, right till my high school days.

When I look at my children, sometimes I wonder, would it be nice if they can have an imaginery world with Jesus in it? They can just hide away and talk to Jesus, play with Jesus and "pretend" to live there with Jesus? As children are so full of imaginations, it can be just almost natural to "abide in Christ" this way?

Instead of introducing fairies, superheroes, rabits and bears, can we introduce Jesus instead to be "alive" in their little minds and actually communicate all the time? That should be interesting hey.

Let the children come to Me!

2006-09-05T13:53:00.000+10:00

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God." (John1:1-2)

There's so much in these few words. After 3 weeks of reading the book of John, I'm still reading the first paragraph...lol.

To me, the Word is the substance between you and me, between God and us. It's relationship, it's communication, it's love, it's language, it's music, it's spirit, it's a person...

There's a big difference between the ways children learn a language and an adult learns a language. Adults learn mostly by grammar, children adapt. If they're exposed to the language, they'll grab it. They don't have a clue about the grammar, but they can speak it if they listen to it enough.

Ellie's been learning piano through the Suzuki method, which copied this method of language learning into music learning. At the age of 8 now, she can play some of the grade 8 songs, and her piano music goes for 20 pages for one piece. They teach children to play by ear so they adapt music much faster than the traditional reading first way.

When I'm at the prophetic school, they teach us that the prophetic gift are caught more than taught...

During war times leaders of countries have discovered that if you want to destroy a nation totally you have to take the language out of the people...

Language carries spirits...spirit can be a form of language...

These made me think about the ways to approach children about God. How do we raise up prophetic children? How can children grow up knowing God from their spirits rather than head knowledge? How can they talk God's language without even knowing the grammar of the language? Are we teaching them the grammar or are we expose them to the whole language? Can we have purpose driven parenting experience? Can they live a purpose driven life right from the beginning?

It seems that the ability to adapt to a language is strongest when the children are young. Then by the increasing of age this ability gradually decreases. It's much harder for an adult to learn a language than it is for a child. I have perfect pitch in music, that is, I recognize the pitch of sound without being given other sounds to compare with. I started learning music when I was under 3. My brother and sister although professional pianists don't have this ability as they started learning music a little later than I did. That indicates, the ability to adapt to music can be stronger in early childhood.

Babies can be very spiritual in a lot of ways. They react to the emotions and moods and the enviromnent around them. They're quite sensitive to spiritual atmosphere. Sometimes I wonder if they see open visions.

So, with these in mind, I started experiencing with my own kids. I started prophecy to them. Not on a one off occasion, but on a continual basis.

As often as I can, I'd ask God, "Lord, what would you like to speak to my child today?" and I'd journal for them and write down the words specifically toward each child.

It's been an amazing experience.
I've changed a great deal at understanding each of my children and I've seen big effect on them.

It's still at a very early beginning stage. I'd like to see if I continue to do this, would this create a prophetic environment for them so they'd just "grab it" and "get it", to adapt to the prophetic gift and speak the language?

Well, at least this is my new found hobby or passion, whatever you want to call it...(LOL), and I'm having lots of fun!

Emotions

2006-08-30T10:07:00.000+10:00

When God speaks to us, He speaks to our spirit. But then the problem is the emotions and the reasonings like to get involved.

Our soul is all puffed up, all been leavened. They like to get involved and process. Then things get messy.

Although the emotions can make life colourful, some of the colours are not Godly colours.

It can be wild joy....all feeling pumped up and excited and wanting to hijack the spirit....When God first spoke to Abraham and showed him His vast grand promise, he must be feeling quite pumped.

But that feeling of overwhelmed joy and pumped is actually a result of puffed up leaven.

Then it can be pain....when God told Abraham to burn his beloved son as a sacrifice, it must be quite painful for him. Although the Bible didn't mention his emotional state.

The Bible only said that Abraham passed his test. I guess the test is a test of emotions. God wants to see if He speaks a word into the spirit, can that word go pass the emotions. Can we just listen, then simply obey and follow from the spirit, without getting the soul involved? The test is about whether the leavened bread has shrinked back to it's unleavened size so that the communications through the spirit can be delivered and carried out safely without being hijacked.

When you think about it, it's actually quite simple. Let the Spirit live and let the old self die. And when God says,"hmm....I smell death", that's the time when things can get a bit interesting.

I remember walking into houses where there's meat being roasted in the oven. Oh, that smell! To me(I'm a meat lover)that's the most irresistable smell.

When we put our old selves on the altar and offer it as a burning sacrifice, when we say to our emotions and reasonings, your dead now, stop reacting like a raging sea, just calm down...(LOL), we're actually creating a smell that's most irresistable to God.

Praises is good, worship is good, serving, doing things...etc they're all good. They all produce fragrant smells. But it's this smell of death that ultimately moves God as it's simply irresistable!

Breastfed or bottle fed?

2006-08-28T20:10:00.000+10:00

Breast fed babies are much healthier than bottle fed babies. Apart from the elements of nutrition, the breast fed babies are immune to a lot of the diseases. Babies that are fed cow's milk or formula are much prone to diseases and sicknesses. They get sick easily and more often.

I breastfed all my kids. They hardly get sick. In my memory they're only sent back from school or daycare like once or twice a year, while some other kids in daycare get sent back a lot more often.

One of God's name is El Shaddai. It means the breasted one. So that means, if we're drinking from God directly, if we have a Bible reading routine and daily devotion, we're then spiritually breast fed. And then we're spiritually immune!

Most babies(spiritually) these days are bottle fed. They go to church or some programes to get fed. Nutritionwise it's ok. We can still get satisfied and get fat. But something's lacking in "cow's milk"....the immune factor. We're prone to problems, troubles and attacks. We're much easier to get sick spiritually.

If we drink breast milk, directly from God, then a lot of the problems wouldn't even exist as we're immunised to them!

El shaddai also means Almighty. If we're breast fed, then we're to experience God's almighty power in protection and provision. This immune factor is the almighty power factor.

So, are you breast fed or bottle fed? Would you like to change milk? :)

Bible reading

2006-08-24T15:54:00.000+10:00

If you've read my post down below "daddy's dream", you'd know what I mean by giving kids chocolate to get them practice piano every day. Because, if you want your kids to learn to play piano, then it's quite important that they practice every day. And not many kids would want to do that by themselves.

So, I've been this little kid when it comes down to Bible reading. I know that it's vitally important to read every day if I want to be serious about serving God. But somehow I just can't get rid of my kid nature.I get excited for about 3 days then forget all about it. Phil's blog has been a chocolate for me for quite a while....but then the comments dropped. I tried to follow it anyway, but the speed is like 5 chapters a day, way beyond my ability to follow, I'm a slow reader. So after a while I gave up.

So I asked God to help me as I know I can't do it on my own. I know I should. But I also know I'm still such a kid. I need some kind of motivation. Last week at Hillsong women Katrina(Catrina?)Henderson spoke about Bible reading. Didn't fire me up too much....(well I was mostly outside with baby)...but funny thing is a friend of mine who lives just around the corner got really excited and convicted by her word and even got a CD after the meeting. She came around and visited me on Monday...and guess what, we ended up deciding that we'll read Bible together and we'll get together once a week to share what we've learned.

Wow! that's some big doze of chocolate for me! (LOL)
We decided to start from John. I suggested 3 chapters a week. But my husband said hmmm...that's too much for John, maybe just 1 chapter a week. Coming from the speed of 5 chapters a day I said one chapter a week's kind of too slow, so I insisted on 3 chapters a week. And I started straight into it the second day. I started journaling as I read, and guess what, after an hour I still haven't finished the first paragraph....I journalled a whole page on my notebook just about the first paragraph...I guess my husband was right, with this speed I'd be lucky if I could finish one chapter by the end of the week.

I feel I should go slower and go deeper. There's so much in there if I'm not in a rush and just take time to dig into it.

I'm not sure if I'd keep on with my other blog, the Bible study notes blog. It takes time to write and I don't have too much time with four kids. Plus I don't think there're any readers.It only helps to keep a better record for myself.

It's really like learning piano or trying to be a professional athlete. You've just got to practice every day. A little bit of progress at a time, one day at a time, and over the years you'll then be able to see the result.

Marty Sampson

2006-08-15T12:34:00.000+10:00

To all the people who come to my blog wanting to find out about Marty Sampson's girlfriend....

The answer is "I Don't Know!!!"
I know absolutely NOTHING about him and his girlfriend and have no interest finding it out....so stop searching my blog for that! (LOL)

Daddy's dreams

2006-08-13T16:00:00.000+10:00

I've learned heaps from my kids about God and this is what I was thinking yesterday.

You see, if I want my child to learn piano, it's kind of my dream for my child.But then for my child to get that dream it's kind of immature. It'll excite them for maybe 3 days and then when practice and lessons hit they back off. But I really want them to learn.However they can't understand why they have to endure the pain of having to practice everyday. Then the little trick for me is to say, if you practice today, I'll give you a chocolate...it really works for kids. For a while I buy these 50 cents gifts of all kinds just to keep them going. But it gets them into bad habit I know, so after a while I dropped the game.

I remember watching a movie when I was young, how a father wanted his daughter to be a volleyball champion. He said to his little girl, if you win at the Olympics, I'll give you your mom back.This became a huge motivation for the little girl, and she endured all the tough trainings and eventually she achieved. What daddy really wanted is for the girl to be a volleyball player. But he used other motivations, because the little girl simply couldn't comprehend daddy's dream when she was young and couldn't endure the tough training for that cause. But then when she got older, daddy's dream gradually became her dream as well.

This made me think that God also has a dream for us. But a lot of the times we're still like a little kid in His eyes, too young and immature to comprehend His dreams. His dreams don't make any sense to us and don't excite us. And we're most reluctant to submit to the trainings that are necessary and vital for our age.
So for the real little kids He used chocolates....but to get us really passionate about training and pursuing He used our dreams....our desires and yearnings, the things that will excite us and motivate us to do everything needed...until we're old enough to understand His dream.

If I wait for my child to understand how and why I'd like her to play piano, by the time she's ready she's almost too old and she has missed the prime time for training. But if I get her started, however method I use, when she's older, and when she can understand, the basic skills are already there for her to carry on.
I think most parents will somehow experience this training process at some point. And as children of God we can also know that our Father God has a bigger picture, a bigger purpose than our understandings. We might not appreciate the hard trainings or whatever's involved from time to time, but one day when we suddenly "get it", and His dreams become our dreams, we'll thank Him for everything we have learned in the process. And when we're excited about His dream, we're already on solid ground ready to go on to see that dream fulfilled.

The prophetic school update

2006-08-13T15:49:00.000+10:00

It's been 3 weeks now we had two meetings of prophetic schools at our house.
This Friday day school(level 1) we had 35 adults and numerous kids, and it looks like it's still growing. So we're changing to a church hall. I'm a bit sad about the change but it's ok, the night school is still at our place at this stage.

It's amazing... people come from Taree(which is 3 hours drive),New Castle, inner city, northern beaches, Penrith...every week just for the meeting.

Our house is still ok for the adults, but on a rainy day it's crowded for the kids.

Funny this morning Peter told me he had a dream last night, and then Ellie had a dream,too. And their dreams were almost identical!
Both dreamed to a certain point and then Kate woke them up....
This kind of makes me nervous....

The prophetic school

2006-07-29T12:41:00.000+10:00

So we had close to 50 people (both meetings) at our house yesterday, with the Colley's.
It was good. Really great for start.
I think there're more as quite a few people said they'd come but for different reasons couldn't make it yesterday.
Some people were a bit hesitant or reluctant to come, but were testifying at the end in tears that this is really what they needed. Some were saying that it's just too good.
We had a bit worship at the beginning then went straight into solid, in depth teaching for about an hour. Then lunch break. Then activation, practice. We were asked to find partners then practice prophesying to each other. Then we found other partners and did it again. We did about half a dozen times. It was quite interesting to see that after the first activation practice (the first partner thing) that quite a few people just rushed to look for tissue boxes. People were in tears as they had words spoken to them, and they were even more amazed that God actually speaks through themselves.
There's a real sense of hunger.

I wasn't sure how I'd go with the baby. But it turned out ok. I "pass the parcel" a bit, and Bode seemed to quite enjoy the meetings. At times he's a bit overwhelmed by all the people and being passed around and tickled. But I think overal he's ok.
I'm really excited in what God's doing in our house.

Peter Wilson Hillsong

2006-07-29T12:34:00.000+10:00

To the people who come to my blog by the search phrase "Peter Wilson Hillsong"......
I'm not quite sure who you're looking for, I guess there's another Peter Wilson at Hillsong, but I'm pretty sure that my husband Peter Wilson is not the person you're looking for. I can't think of any reason that he should be famous enough for a search at this stage.....LOL
Sorry that you've found a wrong blog.

Dreams and visions

2006-07-24T12:05:00.000+10:00

Joel 2:28 "And your sons and daughters will prophesy, Your old men will dream dreams, your young men sill see visions."

Visions is about God's nature, God reveals Himself in visions. God took Abraham out in a vision and showed him His promise and Abraham's future.
We see our future, see God's heart in visions.
It happens when we're young. Visions start the journey, they give us passion and purpose to keep going.

Dreams is about God's agenda. God reveals His plans in dreams.
When we're young, we can't handle God's plans. We want to do it our own ways. And often it will take us quite a while to get to a place that we realise our ways are not gonna get us through, only God's ways can get us to God's destinies for us. It took Moses 40 years, Abraham 25 years to be ready for God's plans. And by that time they're pretty old. And when we're old in spirit, we can handle God's plan, and that's the time for dreams in which God reveals in detail His strategies and plans.

Sons and daughters have parents. Parents teach their sons and daughters and pass on their gifts. Prophecies can be taught. Anyone can prophesy if someone teaches him how. Prophesy is a skill that can be learned, nurtured and developed. You need a parent to help you grow into the maturity of prophesy.

"Even on the male and female servants I will pour out My Spirit in those days."(v29)
Even if you're not the sons and daughters that have close relations to spiritual parents, just by helping out, by serving, by hanging around, by exposing yourself to, God's Spirit will still pour out on you. You'll witness miracles and receive blessings.
The widow who served Elijah and Elisha didn't prophesy, have visions or dream dreams. But she received financial provision and miracle of resurrection, healing,etc. If you serve, you're at the receiving end of His pouring out.

Anyway these are just some of my random thoughts.
BTW, we're starting another round of prophetic school this friday, dayschool(10:30) and night school(7:30), let me know if your interested!

Ask, seek and knock

2006-07-24T10:38:00.000+10:00

I have been pondering about what these words mean for a while.
This is what I understand for now:
Ask: ask questions. When you come to God, ask questions, and then listen, or do a journal, you'll receive answers afresh from the Spirit, which will reveal God's ways.

Seek: when you worship, and seek, you'll find His presence.
The power and the anointing of God is hiding in His presence.

In His presence, if you keep knocking, with spirit, "deep calling unto deep", and wrestling, you'll unlock the source the power. "The treasure chest" will be opened to you.

Sometimes only when you finished the whole process, get to the knock and opened stage can your prayers be answered.

Hillsong Conference 06....purpose driven life....Ishmael.....Selah

2006-07-11T00:56:00.000+10:00

I didn't get to go to the conference much at all, but I did read a lot about the conference....positive, negative...posts from highly pumped up teenagers to very angry commenters to pastors...(still waiting for the posts from exhausted volunteers and superheros). I've had people stay at my house for conference so they told me a lot about their days,too.
Then I went to 3 meetings on Sunday at church.
Guess whose message spoke to me the most?
To my own biggest surprise, it's Charlotte Scanlon. She talked about Ishmael.

Well I haven't listened to her tape yet, I only read a couple lines of notes.
but this is how I understand about Ishmael.

Abraham lived a purpose driven life. His purpose? of course it's Isaac.
But in the pursuit of his purpose he did his own best. He involved and engaged the wrong people. He gave Hagar and Ishmael a false hope and relationship. To Abraham it's a mistake. But to Ishmael it broke his heart. Hagar and Ishmael's destiny and life were in jeopody.
I guess they tried to stay together, but it didn't work. It's not God's will for them to stay together,either. So there came a time of separation.
Interestingly there were two separations:
The first time they left, there was anger, bitterness and resentment. They didn't leave on a very good term. Their hope was about to crush. But an angel appeared to them and told them to go back!
The second time they left, Abraham sent them out, with some bread and water. It was not a lot. But it's enough for them to "get a life", and find their own purpose and destiny.

To me the point of having them sent back is for reconciliation. Not to keep on with the wrong relationship, but to settle the issues. Apologies, and just to say sorry...
and a little blessing(bread and water)... and Ishmael found God's favor, too.

A lot of people today are pursuing a purpose driven life. And there's nothing wrong about that. A lot of ministries have found their purpose and are having huge success. But in the hot pursuing of the purposes, they also created a lot of mess. They engaged wrong people along the way, (when I say wrong people, I don't mean the people have done wrong things, although they also could. I mainly mean people with different visions and purposes that shouldn't be combined together.) and they have hurt people.

Like the film clip that Reinhard Bonke played at the conference, the purpose driven life can sometimes be like the huge Titanic. They're having success, they're enjoying the promises, but they also need to look out for the mess they have created. If they keep an eye, and respond properly to the warning signs, then they can avoid all the danger and have a safe journey. But if they ignore the Ishmaels, simply push them away as distraction and nuisance, then these "little people"(as Charlotte puts it)can be like the icebergs, putting the big Titanic in jeopody.

It didn't take much for Abraham to send Ishmael away.... just a bit of bread and water, and they'll find their own destiny.

Richard Robert shared a powerful testimony on Sunday. He said for a time he was really upset with someone. But at a conference he saw this guy and God told him to go speak to him and ask him for forgiveness. Richard felt really hard to do that but eventually he did. The man burst into tears and confessed that he had found some problems against Richard and was just about to expose them to the national TV. But because Richard apologized, the man changed his heart.
This to me is a good example of taking care of Ishmael and dealing with icebergs.

Brian Houston released a new book called "Selah"...meaning to pause and to think about it.

Sometimes we just need to pause, have a good look around and think about some issues.

It's a very good and timely title for a book.

Friday at the conference

2006-07-08T08:53:00.000+10:00

I did go on Friday....twice...but didn't really get anything...oh well.
It proved that I'm not a super mom, only a supermom want-to-be.....LOL

So I got there with my friend and 4 kids thinking we can save a parking fee. The kids did their dancing performance at Kidsong. So I hang around mother's room and playgroup with Kate and Bode and tried to watch the screen at the same time. Can't really remember anything from the screen....just too busy chatting, changing nappies, feeding and chasing Kate around. Kate wasn't very impressed with the playgroup and only about half an hour later she just wanted to go home.

Then the other girls finished dancing just after 10am. And we had something to eat and stayed around for a little while. I called my husband see if he'd be ok to pick the kids up so I could stay there but he couldn't. I thought this is not gonna work, trying to get anything of the conference, so we went home.

I so wanted to go back to the early night session(4:30) with Reinhard Bonke. I rang everyone I could think of who could possibly babysit for me for a couple of hours, but didn't have much luck. Then I rang another round of people trying to get someone to pick my friend up from the conference, didn't have any luck either.

I was hoping my husband could finish work earlier for the day, to either help with the kids or pick up my friend, but he finished work after 8pm!

So I went back with all my kids to Acer Arena with my P1 parking ticket(hooray! I got a pass!)and picked my friend home, didn't even leave the car. Bode hated the car trip and he screamed a lot in the car.

So there you go, my very frustrated last day at the conference.....lol

Hillsong conference 06.... Reinhard Bonke

2006-07-06T23:47:00.000+10:00

So I made it tonight. I borrowed the friend(who stays at my place for the week)'s P1 carpark pass and went for the session by Reinhart Bonke. I got there late, like 8:30 or so, just in time for Israel Houghton(?) and then Reinhard Bonke.

I love watching him preach. He's so contagious. He preaches with every cell of his body. I love his funny accent.
It seems that he's on a mission to save, but the focus in this conference is not only for the lost and unsaved, but also to the christians. He's on a mission to rescue the Christians out of their mindset, to find their lost talents and buried treasure. His altar call is more for the Christians to repond to the callings of the Lord to step out doing something and make things happen. A lot of Christians are living the preservative ways:stick to the pattern, unwilling for any change and risk.
He's really calling Christians to go out and save. The joy of the Lord is in salvation.

Don't know why, Israel's worship cause me to think a lot about my baby. For a long time we've settled on the name Israel, only till the last few days we changed to Bode, and pushed Israel to the second name. But nevertheless, Israel is still my favourite name. While worship I just kept seeing myself like Bode being hugged by God. I found myself rest in God's arms like a baby to his mom. It's really a place of comfort and peace.

I'm planning to go back to the conference full day tomorrow with all my kids....it should be fun hey. (It will really test out if I'm a super mom... as none of my kids are registered to kidsong world that means the majority time they'll be with me...oh well, we'll see.)

Sorry...

2006-07-04T00:03:00.000+10:00

If your searching for my blog for some conference related posts, I'm really sorry....
I can't tell you anything as I'm not going at this stage.
I did have the night session tickets. But the thought of having to drag 4 kids(remember I have a baby as well) to walk from P3 to Acer Arena in the rain really puts me off.
But I'm hosting some people at my house so that can be my part of involving in the conference. It's been a few years that people stay at our place for conference.
There are 4300 volunteers this year. Quite amazing hey. A lot of volunteers don't get to go in to any sessions, but they still love it. Just the atmosphere of the conference is quite enjoyable. I do miss it.
Maybe I'll try to make it Friday. Hope I can get a P1 parking.

Daughter of destiny

2006-06-27T12:17:00.000+10:00

I ordered this book "Daughter of destiny" by Jamie Buckingham online about 4 months ago, and finally it arrived yesterday.

It's a book about the life of Kathryn Kuhlman.

Gosh, if people are upset about Benny Hinn, they should really look at the life of Kathryn as there are heaps more you can pick her on.

But nevertheless, she's a woman that had found the key and gained access to the supernatural. And this is why I'm interested about her.

I'm not interested in getting involved in conversations about Benny Hinn or Hillsong at the moment(maybe someday I will when I'm in the mood and have plenty of time), I think I've read enough at Phil's blog before. I'm more interested and occupied by this book and my baby.

Gota go, baby's crying again....

Benny Hinn meeting

2006-06-25T13:30:00.000+10:00

So I went to the Benny Hinn meetings yesterday.
I was planning to go on Friday night, but the last minute I decided not to go. Just as well, as it started to rain quite heavily from 9pm and if I went Both me and baby would have been soaking wet having to walk 20 minutes or so to the carpark.

But yesterday morning was a bright beautiful morning. It was still quite a long walk from P3 with my baby. But after I got in, it was all good.

IT WAS GOLD !!!! I loved it to bits.

My good friend mille got on the stage and she was healed of several problems she's had for years. She was crying on the stage.

The teaching was brilliant. Gosh it was a good feed, I haven't had such good teaching for years maybe.

Let me try to remember some points(I didn't bring notebook as my hands were occupied with baby):
The Holy Spirit is with me, in me and upon me. But there's big difference.
With me is before I got saved, to help me getting saved; In me is when I was born again; but on me is for a season, for a reason.
The presence and the power of the Spirit are two concepts. We often get mixed up.
When we worship, the presence comes. But too often we just enjoy the presence, have a good time and leave. The power is hiding in the midst of the presence. The anointed preachers knows how to find the key to unlock and tap into His power and release His gifts, like healing,deliverance,etc. Often in a meeting there comes a moment, often only 10 seconds or so, the longest lasting not more than 1 minute, when that's a moment for the preacher to respond quickly, to surrender and catch the chance. If he misses that moment, he misses it all and nothing happens in the meeting. But if he catches and responds, the power manifests. And that happens every time in his crusades.
There also comes with moments of wrestling. Like Elisha following Elijah, and he was fired 3 times, but he was determined to not to give up. Sometimes the Holy Spirit would want to leave and lift, but the preacher needs to be like Jacob, wrestle and ask Him to stay and bless.
But the foundation is the word. You need to know the Word well to be able to release His power.
Then there's this lifetime calling. When God calls you, you have a choice, either to respond and follow, and drop everything your doing, or to "say goodbye to the family, bury the dead, finishing off the business,etc". If you don't respond, you'll miss your chance. But if you do respond, it'll be heaven to you, and you'll have nothing to lose.

He used a lot of examples and demonstrations to make these vivid and easy to understand.

The whole time this old Chinese saying sticks with my mind...."The spiciest ginger is the older ones." Unlike Hillsong, everything's flash, young, fresh and modern, Benny Hinn worshippers are older, a little bald and grey, a bit old fashioned, but the anointing and sense of presence was so strong. This actually speaks a whole LOT to me.

I couldn't wait to go back at night time. This time I didn't bring my baby. And Millie saved me a very front seat close to the stage. She didn't leave after the morning service and waited the whole time there. There were football and basket ball games at Telstra Stadium so the traffic was shocking. But the meeting was wonderful, there were so many people getting saved....after four long songs people were still coming, they filled up the front section, then the sides, then just about every walking space up the stairs.... it was awesome. Then the healing part began, but my phone showed this SMS from Peter....Bode wants his mom!!! So very reluctantly I left.

It wasn't easy for me to have a baby with me in the meeting for more than 3 hours, but I so enjoyed it. I cried a few times. And don't mention Millie....she's wild with joy.

Prophetic school and children

2006-06-19T23:59:00.000+10:00

So we're starting another round of prophetic schools with the Colleys.
We're having a day school mostly for the ladies and a more advanced night school, both on Fridays starting July 28.
The night school will be held at our house and the day school is just round the corner of our house(3 min walk).
If your interested and in the area just let me know and I'll send you the brochures.

I'm so excited about these schools, I can hardly wait.

Ellie's getting quite prophetic in lots of small ways. For example, my husband never remembers his mom's birthdays. I don't know when's her birthday, either. But just the other day, Ellie suddenly out of the blue asked my husband, "I wonder when Nanna's birthday is and maybe you should give her a call." And that day was exactly nanna's birthday!
Then the other night before she went to sleep I said to her, let's play a praying game. Let's pray for some people, and see if you see any pictures(visions) in your mind. She's very fast, within seconds she'd seen something. And they're in line or similar to the visions I got.

I wonder if we could give children the prophetic training....hmmm....they seem so readily to be flowing in the spirit. The Bible says, your sons and your daughters shall prophesy... shall see visions.... I wonder if we have been stopping them from coming to the presence of God... should we create an environment for them to be prophetic and allow them to grow and to be nurtured in their giftings.

Children are full of imaginations. If we don't channel them well and give them the right place, they'll just be attracted to things like Harry Potter,etc. But what if we get proactive and really encourage them and guide them? Or are we afraid that we'll have some little prophets....hehe
Interesting hey.

Dreams again

2006-06-12T22:58:00.000+10:00

I've been fascinated about dreams lately.
I dream a lot. Just about every time I fall asleep I dream.
I'm starting to keep a dream journal, trying to write down everything I dream.
It's really a language, and it's got so much details to ponder about.
To make a parable about it, it's like a mom talks to her baby. The mom can talk all day long to a baby, someone might wonder why does a mom talks to a baby, he can't even understand. But moms talk to babies. The baby might not understand, as it's a language he hasn't learnt yet, but you never know, he might understand a little bits and pieces.
And that's what I find what dream is. It's a language that God uses to talk to us. He talks all the time, reveals things all the time.... and we might not understand(mostly we don't), but we might pick up little bits and pieces here and there.
It's a supernatural world, and so the enemy can use it as well.
The dream language is full of symbols and parables. And if we learn some tools to interpret them, it's truly a fascinating world.
I've had lots of visions. I usually have lots of visions. But I find dreams have more detail and are less contaminated by our own mind and thus can be more accurate. As when I have visions, it's easy for my mind to make up something and add or change to the original picture, but in dreams the scenes are all set, you just need to remember and then interpret them.

This one's a baby freak

2006-06-10T23:57:00.000+10:00

Dad, Ellie and Bode

2006-06-08T00:23:00.000+10:00

Jamie and Bode

2006-06-07T23:59:00.000+10:00

Isn't she a good little sister!

Dreams

2006-06-02T09:18:00.000+10:00

Gosh, I've been such a bad blogger....I haven't blogged for such a long time.
I think you can guess who's been keeping me busy....
I've got a spunge in my life who soaks up all my spare free time....lol

Bode's been doing really well. Very fat, chubby looking and smiles a lot. He sleeps through most of the nights from two weeks old. I've been doing the attachment method with all my kids, which is bedsharing, breastfeeding on demand, babywearing... all that sort of things. All my kids grew up in our bed until 2 or 3 and we don't even have a cot or baby room. I'm wearing Bode in a baby sling right now as I'm typing. He's just fallen asleep. I've also been learning how to vacuum the house with the vacuum machine in one arm and a sleeping baby in another arm.

Unfortunately my camera's got some problem and is not working properly. So I can't update pictures for the moment(sorry Kerry)...

Other than running around chasing kids, which is always fun(deep breathe).... I went to a prophetic conference over the weekend at Port Macquarie.

Actually I didn't expect too much about the conference as I've been attending prophetic school for quite a while now. Peter's always been wanting to go up to Port Macquaire to show Bode to his parents so I thought this could be a chance to go. Most of the people from the prophetic school were busy prophesying to the individuals of the conference, but I couldn't do much there as I was holding the baby all the time. There was a session about dreams, which was quite amazing. It kind of opened up a whole realm of spirituality to me. I suddenly realised the power of dreams. I started to understand the language of dreams, and each morning after I woke up the dreams I just had started to make sense to me . It's so interesting. I just felt that God's talking to me and showing me strategies and plans in every detail of my dreams.
So....I've been going to bed early and waking up late busying dreaming.....lol
It was so fun.

I'm thinking of helping to run a round of prophetic school in the mornings for the ladies. Maybe have it at our house. I prefer mornings as night time there're too many kids to worry about. So if your interested and in the area you can just let me know.

Bode, the girls and me

2006-04-28T19:38:00.000+10:00

Bode

2006-04-08T09:43:00.000+10:00

It's a boy, full name is Bode Israel Abraham Wilson. 3.38kg, 50cm. He looks like Peter, I think.

Just got back from the hospital. Everything's fine.

The pronounciation's bou--dee. two stress sound. The word in dictionary means to prophesy, fortell,etc. Bode is a past tense of bide, which is abide, to abide in Christ. John 14:23"If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our abode with him." Bodi is a hungarian name, which means "God protects the king". Peter heard it when the winter Olympics were on and it was the name of the American world champion down hill skier. He liked it and the name stuck in his mind and he also thought that we would throw in the Abraham for fun...

I woke up just before 6am and felt a bit contraction, but not sure if it was just wanting to go to toilet.So I went to toilet, and had a shower, around 7am I thought I could be sure it's contraction. So I rang up some friendsto organise people taking kids to school,etc.by 8am friends came, and we got organised, got the kids ready for school,etc. I got to hospital around 9am, and still sending msg to friends, talking normal, about half an hour later the pain started to get worse, and I asked for epidural, but before they can organise someone to come, at 10:12 am the baby's already out, only 4 pushes. A tiny tear, just a couple stitches. The hospital's really nice, I had a single room. Bode was a bit unsettled for the first night, but after that he slept non-stop.The girls loved him, couldn't get them off him. Maybe they played with him too much so he wasn't settled for the first night. He was born on Thursday, and Friday is the start of school holiday (2 weeks)of Easter. public holiday for adults is Fri-Mon. then Peter's gonna ask for a week off.(I think) It worked out really well, as it looks like Peter can be home for nearly two weeks with all the extra holidays.

I'm quite tired now, so I might post some pictures later as I forgot how to do it. If you really want to see them, send me an email and I'll send some to you.

Overdue

2006-04-05T22:35:00.000+10:00

My baby was due yesterday....
But I'm still pregnant.
I'm actually quite happy to wait for another two weeks or even a month(Peter was due April 4th, and he was born May 4th. His mom did everything to hurry him up, even jumping down the table...), but I get embarrased and even a bit annoyed when I have to settle everyone else's curiosity and concern....lol. Sometimes I just want to hide.

One of the biggest struggle in my mind is how I should handle confinement. You know, I have a Chinese background. The Chinese have very strict rules about confinement. Then I have lots of asian friends here, they also have their tradition and culture about confinement. And of course, there's the western care free way. I'm really stuck in between all these culture clashes. I don't know which one to follow, or how much I should follow.

Just for some example, the Chinese want you to stay in bed for 30 days, no showers, no washing hair, no cold drinks, no salt, not even drinking water.... but the western doctors will instead force you to have shower, and give you ice blocks and want you to go for walks... The Chinese recipes like you to drink lots of pork soup, especially pork liver soup, but the westerns (especailly the colour conference I just went to) think that's absolutely filth. Then there's the singapore way, the Malaysian way....

The things is, the Chinese mothers have a whole team of support: husband on maternity leave for the whole month, both sets of parents, maids.... but I have hardly any. Instead, I still have three kids to chase around. My husband didn't take any leave for my three kids when they were born, hopefully this time he can take a few days off. But for the 30 days confinement that's just impossible.

Every Chinese I met was so concerned and serious about the confinement. But every western people (especially my husband) I know just think it's such a joke and ridiculous. And I'm stuck in the middle. I really don't know how much I should follow and if I don't follow am I still gonna be alright. I was trying to find out what the Bible has to say about this and couldn't get anywhere.

Anyone has a clue?

The power of forgiveness

2006-03-15T13:56:00.000+11:00

Last week at Hillsong women Bobbie shared a message about God's forgiveness.
I woke up at 2am at night and couldn't go back to sleep. The clip she played about Jesus' blood in the movie "The Passion" kept playing over my mind. I just felt His awesome love to us.

Jesus knew exactly what was about to happen before He was being whipped and nailed to cross. But He didn't let that stop Him from love. He didn't let any unforgiveness hinder God's plan.

So many times we stopped at our cross. We let unforgiveness stopped God's flow of love. Even more often, we let the potential cross, the fear of rejection or hurt stop us from loving others.

God is love, no matter what. Love never fails. Perfet love casts out fear. God's love continues even if it means the cross. God's love doesn't compromise and give in at any challenge.

This is the difference between human love and God's love. Human love will stop when hurt is involved. But God's love will not. More so, God's love is in the blood. Jesus went to the cross, and let His blood be shed. And when we touch His blood, we touch God's life and His love.
If God had put His love in us, He will also allow hurt and whips to come across our ways, so that His love and His blood can flow out to others. But are we willing to let God's love prevail or are we gonna stop at unforgiveness?

The real power of love is love beyond the cross. Love beyond forgiveness. Because that's God's love in us, not of just human nature any more, and it's this love that will overcome and give life.

"You are the air I breathe"

2006-03-08T10:16:00.000+11:00

Since last post I've been spending time in journalling just about every day. This kind of journal is based on Habakkuk 2:1-3, which simply is recording what God speaks to me.

It's been awesome. I feel like I've been in a honeymoon with the Lord. The things that come out of my journal every day simply blows my mind away. It's like He breathes upon me, the fresh breath that takes the fresh blood into every cell of my being. I just suddenly realised that I need this fresh breath so much and so desperately....

I need God's word in my life. It's like the blood of life. But the blood also needs the breath to take them afresh to the body. If there's no fresh breath, the blood simply gets stale and loses life and power. The blood can be the same blood, but with each breath it's renewed and refreshed. And we need the fresh blood in the body empowered by the breath.

That's why we need to come to the presence of God and let Him breathe His fresh word into our spirit on a regular basis. And these fresh words always carry power and life.

In the past few years, I've always felt quite frustrated as a Christian. I wanted to be involved in some kind of serving, but there always seemed to be an invisible hand that had always gently pulled me away from all activities of serving and ministering. In a way, I felt the Lord's speaking to me, like the little boy's loaf and fish, I just want to serve like Martha, to give the loaf and fish out. But the Lord says, no no, that little loaf and fish is no good for the five thousand crowd. You've got to be a Mary first. Sit at my feet, submit your loaf and fish to me, and learn how to let my power transform your loaf and fish to feed the five thousand. You need to have a honeymoon with me first before you can serve as a princess. A princess is not only a flash name, she has access to the royal power and bank account. Like Diana, she didn't live out her influence on a kindergarten teacher's budget, but on the abundance of the royal backing and supply.

I think at the moment God's more interested in my serving to Him in my quiet time than outward servings. Like the little boy(with his five loaf and two fish), unless I come to Him first, otherwise all the serving is simply futile.

Prophetic experience

2006-02-17T09:20:00.000+11:00

It's mid Feb now, and I still haven't got much idea what I'd like to do for this new year.
I'd like to do a lot of things, like continuing with Bible college, more involvement with church,etc. But with the new baby coming soon it looks like very difficult.

The prophetic school started again last week. I really love it. The whole group was invited to prophesy at a prophetic conference last year, but I missed it as I was having bad morning sickness at the time. But I still love it every time we get together, prophesying to each other.

I remember years ago while I was still in China, I went to see a couple one evening. They prayed over me and then started to prophesy over me. They took turns, one paused, then the other continued, and they prophesied for over an hour to me. What an experience!
They didn't know me very well, only briefly. But the things they spoke to me were so much in detail like they have always been the closest friends to me all my life. It was just like God standing in front of me and pouring His heart out to me. I cried and cried and cried. It was winter in Beijing and I was wearing layers of clothes. And my layers of sleeves were all soaking wet just from my crying. I felt like God was talking to me face to face.

I'd never forget that experience. It was awesome.
And I always wanted that annointing in my own life.

Last month a friend of mine came to visit us at our house, and she said to me that she felt our house will be a house of prayer, that people will come just for prayers. To be honest at first I didn't quite like what she said. I'm not very organised at housework and prayers is my weakest link. But what she said triggered the memory of this prophetic experience I had years ago. It triggered the desire in my heart to be a channel of prophetic annointings.

Last week at the prophetic school a lady prophesied to me that God's gonna give me a new ear to listen. That really encouraged me.

I guess one of my biggest desires for this year would be to get closer to God and really sharpen my ears. I really want to spend more time in the Word and journals. To practise being still and tune into the small fine voice of the Holy Spirit.

Apart from that, I'll try to improve my home management, to keep my house under control.

Ultrasound Update

2006-02-07T23:22:00.000+11:00

I did another ultrasound today.

And.....hm......

it's a boy!!!

Both Peter and I got a bit emotional when we saw it on the screen.
The doctor showed us twice and it was quite clear it's a boy.

At the beginning of my pregnancy Peter heard almost an audible voice, clear as a bell, "it's a boy." while brushing his teeth. Now he feels quite relieved that he's heard right.

Last ultrasound we were told it could be a girl as the legs were together and it was hard to see.

But everyone seems to be wishing us to have a boy. Sometimes I even got a bit annoyed. I've been telling everyone that it's a girl....lol

Oh well..... this is something new......lol... entirely new for me!

There's hardly anything in the house that can be handed down to the boy.... everything we bought since Kate was born was all pink!! And everything they use is barbies, bratz, fairy...
Typical girls' house. Heaps and heaps of dolls, dress ups......

Ok. don't get me wrong. I'm not depressed....
I'm overwhelmed with joy..... lol

We're quite settled for name. But I'd better keep it quiet for a while in case I change my mind.

Everything's good and smooth with pregnancy. Only the result of the ultrasound postpone the due date for about two weeks. So it looks like an Easter baby.
I'm eating heaps, but strangely I haven't put on much weight like I used to. I'm still quite slim, apart from the belly sticking right out.

The baby's very active. Kicks me a lot. Stretches a lot. Moves around a lot. He makes me feel like dancing sometimes.... but at night when I get up for the loo I feel like I'm falling apart.... all the bones are out of place.

Anyway, it's all good. Please pray for me for a smooth birth! (And thank you all who have persistantly been praying for me to have a boy!)

Chocholate and vegetable

2006-01-18T13:25:00.000+11:00

I woke up from a bad dream last night and couldn't go back to sleep. The dream reminded me of many disappointments happened to me in the past. Things like trusting and loving good friends but found myself betrayed. Unanswered prayers, or even things(not necesarily bad) happened to me that I didn't particularly asked for.

At times I blamed God a lot. I was frustrated with God.

But just looking at my children, I was thinking, what could a perfect God be like in their little mind.... or maybe just let me say, perfect parents. What would they want me to be like.....hmmm, that could be quite interesting. I guess the perfect mum would be the one who always says yes whenever they want chocholates, coke, lollies and chips,etc. The last thing they want from me is vegetables and water. However I'm in constant battle with them when it comes down to eating.

And when I looked back at my life, this is exactly what had happened. I kept asking God for chocholates and coke, and at times I've been so desperate and so passionate about them, but God kept giving me vegetables and water.

I don't necessarily have all the things I want that I think would make me really happy, but when I look again, I do have all the things I need. The chocholates might make me happy for a little while, but if that's all I'm eating then I'm in for big trouble down the track, although my childish mind wouldn't want to think that way.

So, this is what I felt God spoke to me last night. Chocholates and vegetables. Don't get so caught up with chocholates, just be happy with the vegetables in my life and eat them with a good attitute.

And you know what, a mom is a mom. After the child eats his dinner, she still gives the dessert anyway. God will make us happy if we make Him happy first.

Spit the dummy

2006-01-16T11:07:00.000+11:00

kate's over 3 now. She never wanted a dummy when she was a baby or toddler. But I think when she turned 3 she decided that she wanted a dummy.

I never took much notice of it. I thought it was just another toy for her. And it was kind of cute. All my kids didn't want dummy before, so it didn't bother me at all that Kate started to play with dummies. But she got so into it! She'd suck for whole days and whole night, and if I try to take it away from her it was just like killing her and she'd do everything in her power to get it back! She'd scream, yell, cry, beg, nag...... she's not gonna give it up and let it go at all! Sometimes she'd have two dummies in her mouth and 5 by her pillow just in case she loses one.

It concerns the daycare teachers and they managed to get her off the dummies while she's at school. But as soon as she sees me, she'd ask for dummies.

It seems it's such a big deal to her in her life. Sometimes it seems it's all she wants.

This reminds me of so much things that I ask God in my prayers.
Sometimes I'll ask God for some specific things and God seems to be not interested at all or He just can't be bothered in answering my prayers. I have been frustated, angry and irritated with God. I have been screaming, yelling, begging, nagging...... all because I just can't get my eyes off the topics in my prayers! All I want is my prayer gets answered!

But when finally I cool down, and I look at my life again, I ask myself again, "is it that important to have my prayers answered? Surely it will make me feel good for a while. But is it really that important to God?" Maybe in God's eyes, He'd just smile and say," my child, it's time to spit the dummy now and just grow up!"

A lot ot the times we just can't understand why things happen to us. Why God doesn't answer our prayers. Why God doesn't give us the things we want.... and we just want to wrestle with God like Jacob did with the angel.

I've written about this story before but it came to me afresh again yesterday while at church:
A mother eagle had a baby eagle. The baby eagle grew up in a nest on a tall tree. His mother brought food to him every day and he grew up day by day. Then one day his mother thinks he's now big enough to get his own food and start his own life. But the little eagle has been so used to being fed, he didn't want to leave his comfortable little nest. Then the mommy brought a bit of yummy food and showed him at the entrance of the nest. The little one stepped out, and the mother withdrew, the little eagle stepped out more and oops, he fell. The mother quickly flew over and caught him on her wings. This practise went on for quite a while then suddenly one day the little eagle discovered his own wings during a fall and he flapped them and off he flies!

Sometimes God takes things away from us. At the time all we want is that thing, that bait, that piece of food, that prayer being answered... But if we just relax and let it go, and after the initial shock and panic, we'll actually discover that we have grown up in the process! We'll be able to discover the blue sky that is wider and even more beautiful than we thought before! We'll gradually discover that hey, I don't need that piece of food again, although it really sucks that I didn't get that piece of food that I really wanted... but I can get my own food now! Isn't that glorious!

Look at Job, when he was taken away almost everything he had, and he was asking God all these questions, God didn't answer his questions and gave his piece of food back. He simply smiled, and said, just settle down for a minute, and look at me. Look at the skies, and look at yourself. Job was sad because he lost his nest and his food. But God was happy because he learned to fly by himself. Job discovered God and discovered himself in a new way.

Sometimes we just don't understand why. Our human nature compels us to understand and to find answers. But maybe the best thing to do is just to relax and trust. God is always bigger than ourselves!

Eddie Yang

2006-01-06T00:06:00.000+11:00

Eddie Yang is the pastor of Hillsong Chinese outreach service. He has been the pastor for many years and the church is flourishing at the moment.

Sadly, he went fishing on Monday evening, by the rocks. A wave got him and he passed away.

Everyone's in shock, as he's so young and so strong. He's only 42, (looking much younger though), and he just got married 2 years ago.

Up until today, everyone in his church has been praying very hard round the clock for a miracle to happen, although he was pronounced dead on Monday evening.

Normally he's very good at swimming, and fishing is his favourite hobby. We just guess that the wave knocked him out so he couldn't swim any more. The life savers got him quickly but were unable to lift him out of the water due to the big waves. By the time the helicopter arrived and got him out, he had already drowned for over half an hour.

His wife didn't witness the scene as she was taking a walk along the beach while Eddie was fishing. She's remaining very calm and strong at the moment, believing firmly that Eddie's coming back to life.

He's a very devoted pastor and he has been living his life for the church. He's always very passionate and loving to the people around him.

I remember when I gave birth to Kate, he came to our house and gave me like 20 pieces of fish. (and they're the expensive ones!) I wasn't even going to his church at the time.

Peter likes him a lot, too. He was helping Eddie a bit with his house renovation a couple years ago.

His mother has been living with him for many years. She'd get up every morning 5am to cook fresh rice for him. She really looks after him well.

Please pray for his mom and his wife as it's just too devastating for them to accept. And please keep everyone in his church in prayer as well!

Ecclesiastes

2005-11-26T11:11:00.000+11:00

I'm feeling a bit Ecclesiastes at the moment.
To me it's like a book of renovations. Every so often the owner of the house will decide to renovate the house.
The process doesn't look so pretty and pleasant. It's all messy. Everything turned upside down, inside out and round about.Things been pulled down. The old orders and structures are ruined.
But the hope is, after the messy process, the new looks will always look better than the old ones.
The house doesn't choose to renovate itself. The owner does. The house doesn't understand and can't see why things happened to it. But the owner sees the whole picture and he pays for it.

I remember the first time I read Ecclesisates it nearly destroyed me. I just got saved, and I was at college. Up until then all my life value was around study. If you study hard enough and study all the time you'll then be fine. I was in China. Very heavy pressure around study for a high school and new college student. Then this verse hit me so hard:"But beyond this, my son, be warned; the writing of many books is endless, and excessive devotion to books is weary to the body."(Eccl12:12) In Chinese translation which I was reading then, it actually translated as study. Then I suddenly felt that studying was vanity and striving after wind. I felt all my old value system and structure was suddenly destroyed and I couldn't find the new system just yet. I felt so grey and depressed for a while. Over the time I had more understanding toward that period of time and I realised that the path I was striving for isn't the right one that God has designed for me to walk in.

God has designed for each and everyone of us a unique purpose. Only this purpose will bring us the ultimate satisfaction and fulfilment. Outside this purpose, no matter how rich or successful we might get, deep down in our soul we'll feel this emptiness, vanity and pain. Joy doesn't come from things outside, but inside. It comes from the knowing that you're fulfilling your purpose.

It starts from giving your life(the house) to the Lord. Hand to Him the ownership. And let Him take over and start renovating. You might not see the full picture overnight, but gradually, step by step, over the time He'll give the old shabby house a brand new look.

And at the moment, I think God is doing a major work in my house(again!). A lot of the things have been pulled down. I'm puzzled, unsettled, and sometimes angry and frustrated. I can't really see what He's doing. But I know He's doing something as I feel messy!
I guess there's nothing much I can do about it, just have to wait and see, and try not to be anxious.

Kids

2005-10-26T09:57:00.000+10:00

Hi there,
Sorry I'm absent again for so long... seems to have lost the flow a bit. Once taking a break, it's kind of hard to get back to it.

I'm 18 weeks now. Feeling great. No more sick feelings, getting a bit fat....lol
Katie's been telling everyone, every hour that mommie's having a baby! I guess initiatlly the teachers thought it's cute, now they must get sick of hearing it. She's a baby freak. Sometimes I woke up midnight, thinking she's sound asleep, but found she's sitting in the hallway, lining all the dollies and her babies in rows and giving them lessons. She'd teach them singing, stories and sort out their fights.... she just turned 3.

Kids have been keeing me busy. Ellie and Jamie had their annual performance concert at Hillsong performing arts academy. They had dress rehearsals just about every day for a whole week including make ups. Then during the concert Ellie had 7 or 8 dances and Jamie had 5 or 6(I lost count). They had very complicated costumes, with all different dresses, stockings, socks, shoes, hair....the last dance Ellie did she had to be painted totally white, arms, face, hair .....with white wings... I was just so glad that it's all over, and it happened when my morning sickness was the worst.
Then the following week Ellie danced at Wesmead hospital.
And the week after that Ellie played piano in the opera house.
And now they're both involved in the Christmas spectacular at Hillsong church, with at least 8 performances coming up, the total audience could be like 20,000-30,300 people.
Oh, this weekend they're in the kids choir, too.
And I just don't want to think about the open day performance for the academy at the end of the year, which is like another concert, just less formal, still got lots of costume changes...

I was planning to cut them all out for the last term, and persuade them to do swimming instead, as they love swimming. But the last minute they changed their minds and now they're doing even more dancing for this term....oh well, at least I'm not having morning sickness anymore.
And this is what Ellie's doing every week: piano, ballet, jazz, tap, street, contemporary, singing, acting; Jamie: ballet, jazz, tap, street, singing, acting, visual art. She did piano from time to time, and she did a bit of violin,too. But she doesn't like practising and I kind of can't be bothered with those for the moment.

I won't put Kate in dance for a while, you can understand why now. She goes 3 days to Hillsong childcare centre. They do lots of singing and dancing there anyway. Some of her teachers are dance teachers or lead singers,too.

I just don't know how I'm gonna do all these with 4 kids....it's gonna cost me a fortune.

Sometimes I wonder how they have so much energy. Most kindergarten kids are just so tired after school. But sometimes Jamie will be in dance school for 3 hours after school and she'd still be jumping around after that, refusing to go to bed. Like yesterday, they had walkathon at school, Ellie walked 19 laps around the sportsground, and Jamie walked 10 laps. After school they had 2 hours dance. And they still didn't show any sign of tiredness and it still took me a big effort to just put them to bed.

Men's conference is on this weekend. I wish Peter would go. But he's not keen at all. Well, at least I'll try to get him to the weekend service where John Bevere will be speaking. Oh, Allan Meyer's speaking, too, I haven't heard him before, although he's at phil's blog every day. And kids animated story with kids choir... Looks like I'll be at church all weekend this week.

Update

2005-09-01T14:38:00.000+10:00

Well I didn't escape the morning sickness....I'm still kind of floating around.
The computer screen makes me sick, so I'm not around much. Hopefully I'll be back normal in a couple of weeks or so.
The first few days was really bad, I threw up non stop. Then I got better, but I still have good days and bad days.
My body reacts to hormone change a lot. Once I just took some contraception pills and I was in bed for two days.
I'm not feeling very spiritual at the moment. I haven't been to church or read anything for a few weeks. Just plenty of rest and trying to eat and keeping the food down.
It's 9 weeks at the moment. I guess I'll be feeling right by around 12 weeks...... see you then.

Just ranting

2005-08-12T09:20:00.000+10:00

Thanks everyone for your congrats! Really appreciated...
The conceiving date suggests it's a girl, but Peter said that he heard a voice while brushing teeth one night, "it's a boy!" I don't really mind boy or girl but Peter's hoping for a boy this time...I can understand(lol). We even got into agreement already for the name of the boy. We had quite some trouble agreeing on names for the three girls before and Kate was without a name for a couple of days after she was born.
Feels quite different than the previous pregnancies though. So far morning sickness is still under control. But then again, it could be just still early.
Lots of craving for food and I'm eating heaps. Two three weeks ago I was having lunch with a friend at college and I was joking that I was craving for this seafood dish in the middle of the night, and she said "you're not pregnant, are you?"
When I went to the prophetic school last week, everyone was seeing visions. Some saw eagles, some saw planes....and all I could see was scallops... big, fat, juicy scallops. Then another day I was craving for oysters... another time tinned little fish and spiral shells...mostly strange seafood this time.

Another term at college finished. Done the exams and assignments...I think I even did ok...amazing. I tend to leave everything to the last minute, and I was thinking of spending a good night studying the last night before the exams. The prophetic literature covers the books of Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, Amos etc. so there's quite a bit to study. But then Kate got sick, throwing up big time, fever,etc. She wouldn't leave me alone for one minute.I thought I wouldn't be able to do the exams, but I actually made it... Kate's still not totally well and winges a lot.
I don't know if I can still do college next term. I'd love to, but I don't know if I can handle it. If the morning sickness is still under control in the next two weeks then I'll definately do it. I was pretty bad with morning sickness before with the three girls. I threw up like 10 times a day and was mostly in bed for three months or so. Sometimes I had to go to the hospital to get a drip as I couldn't keep any food down. Hopefully this time it will be different.

Hillsong women was good as usual yesterday. Bobbie Houston was away still...feels like forever. So we still had Lucinda Dooley. She's great though. Sometimes I feel Phil and Lucinda Dooley's got the annointing of Elisha...(hehe)
Lucinda even mentioned this blog yesterday at the meeting....scary. I never know who's reading my blog and sometimes I just don't know what to write any more. I know I have offended people in the past... You know most of the times when I was writing I thought nobody would ever be bothered to read the stuff I write...

The message yesterday was about resurrection life, a new and better way of living. I know it's a message just what I needed, but somehow I don't seem to get it. I felt a bit cloudy. I guess I'm still trying to break through(from the grave to the sky...lol). But Pippa sent me this article the other day which I think captured the spirit of this whole message.(Thanks Pippa) Have a read, it's awesome.

So the news is...

2005-08-02T15:56:00.000+10:00

yeap....you guessed it...
I'm pregnant!
Just found out yesterday. I wasn't quite sure what to think about it for a while, as it's quite a surprise. We were not totally closed toward the idea, but were not planning for this point of time either.
I went to Gloria Jeans this morning to have a bit of journal time. It was quite amazing what I journalled down.
It wasn't my planning, but it was definately God's. He has placed a gift from heaven to entrust to me at this particular time.
It reminds me of Mary, she wasn't particularly planning. She even did all the birth control thing right...(lol) yet she was with child, and she was greatly blessed...
The sense that God has planned for the blessing of this child is so strong....the whole day while I was at college I was just teary for the whole time. His presence was so strong.
I'm still getting used to the idea. It kind of changes a whole lot about me.

Hillsong women -- Lucinda Dooley

2005-07-29T09:43:00.000+10:00

Exactly a year ago I wrote another post about Hillsong women with Lucinda Dooley which I described seeing a furnace that's very hot. Well yesterday at Hillsong women I felt that furnace exploded.

Lucinda was just all over the place yesterday and she just couldn't contain herself. Something in her just exploded...lol

I felt a strong sense of revival in the meeting.
I felt God is going to pull the walls of the definition of churches down and cause the flames that's in the furnace to go out into the community and that His Spirit is gonna cause all the sparkles and flames into a huge fire that will just sweep across and light up the whole land of Australia.
I felt the Spirit is saying,"You've asked for so long...now come on Australia, let's do it."

She said that in 16 weeks time we'll be unrecognisable. That we'll think, believe and live at a different level, the change will be so significant that all we can say is "wow".
God's doing something new, fresh and powerful in our lives.
We're an army, we're a movement, we have actions, we're going somewhere and doing something.
Summing up a few key words to describe the feature: excellence, passion, vision, team and faith.
Some elements: commited; cause; community; crazy fun; changing the earth for the glory of God.

It's about getting on with God and give your life to resurrection life.
There's life and there's God given life, a life that God intends you to live.
And what does this new life looks like? Romans 8
1. New power in operation
2. Don't cover up the pain. We're to rip all the bandaids off and let all the wounds be healed.
3. Let your obssesion be Jesus, not you.
4. Not bound up by humanity. He has set us free. We're to walk and remain in freedom.
5. There're things to do and places to go. The call of God is upon our lives, and there are destines and plans that only we can fulfill.

For the whole day I just felt a strong sense of God's presence. I felt I was out of breath, that I was panting, and could hardly breathe. It was so thick.

Tongues, interpretations and prayers

2005-07-21T22:19:00.000+10:00

I went for the communication class yesterday taught by Robert Fergusson. He had us praying in tongues for a few minutes. Then he wanted us to pray again, this time interpret the tongues out loud. I always knew that if you keep praying in tongues for like 15 minutes then you'd feel a sense of breaking through. But tongues and interpretation all the time? This is kind of new.
On the way driving home I practiced in the car. I spoke a few minutes tongue, then without going through my mind I tried to pray out loud in a language I know. It was amazing. I was actually prophesying to myself! There were a few things revealed to me about myself that I didn't quite understand before. I tried to pray for others, again, tongues first, then followed by interpretation without going too much through the mind, quite amazing.

Last Friday night as I went for the prophetic school again, we had quite a bit of stretch. I'm quite comfortable now praying one to one, think for a couple minutes, then prophesy or speak out visions. But last week the leader had us in lines, and we were to prophesy from one person straight to another without giving us any time in between to think or to pray. As soon as we finished one person, we were to head on to another person and start speaking out prophesies. She didn't want us to think. She didn't want the prophesy to go through mind. Most of us felt a bit stretching, and we screamed as we went on practicing, but it was quite fun.

I suddenly realized that this is another level to step up. To pray without thinking first how to pray, what to say, and just pray like prophesying. And to prophesy without the mind getting in to ponder and to decide, just let the spirit freely flow out. Quite exciting hay!

I never realized that tongues can be interpreted all the time. I never attempted to do so. Only very occasionally now and then. And then a lot of the time I do speak in tongues, and there's not too much difference with just making a whole lot of bubbling noises. But tongues with interpretation, that's definitely edifying....Actually mind blowing at the moment!

Hillsong conference 2005

2005-07-09T23:45:00.000+10:00

What a conference! We've had Reinhart Bonnke, Michael W Smith, Joyce Meyer, John Maxwell, Jack Hayford, Brian and Bobbie Houston, Darlene Zschech, Cece Weiner, Phil Baker....

I volunteered as a host, so sometimes I had to miss some of the sessions. But still I enjoyed every moment of it. It was quite exhausting, in the mean time I had two families staying with us, one came from China, and also kids were involved in choir doing their kids album... so it meant early mornings and very little sleep. On the last day I was just so tired I sneaked back to my car and had a bit of snoose in the mid day.

Some of the take home value:

Dare to be who you are. Give yourself permission and freedom to be who you are. An eye is called to be an eye. And if she tries all her life on improving her listening skills she might get a bit of comfort and encouragement from the ears but she'll never be impressed by God.

God gives each and everyone of us a different fire. What is your fire? Reinhard Bonnke's fire is to see souls saved; his fire is Africa. What's that burning passion in you? Are you catching the fire and baptised by that fire? Go toward that fire and you'll burn!

Joyce Meyer: Don't step outside(or go beyond) your annointing. Know your limit.
If you go searching for an opportunity or a job, someone thinks you're fit for a department manager and is willing to give you that job, now if you operate within the limit of that job title and do it really well then there's a high chance you'll be promoted later on. But if you think that job title is too small for you and you act like the boss of the whole company and will not submit to your leader then pretty soon you'll just be fired. Don't try to overrun the grace that's been given to you. But it also won't do you any good if you just operate as a secretary if your job is a manager. We need to recognise the grace and annointing and act accordingly.

Reinhard Bonnke: if you dare to give yourself to the Holy Spirit fully, there's no limit what He can do through you. What He has planned for you is beyond your wildest imagination and dreams. Life with the Holy Spirit is sooooo exciting and hot! It's real life.

Phil: Creativity is in the details. Creativity is a lifestyle. People's lives are affected and touched where creativity is present and sharp.

Michael W Smith was just sensational. Loved it, loved it, loved it. It was such a beautiful experience, taste of heaven.

The theme of the conference is "Strength".
Strength is discovered, it's found, it's a gift, it's an unquenchable passion, it's a force that enables us to go through all kinds of trials and still keep moving forward,it's who we are by design, it's His character in us, it's God Himself living in us.

The prophetic school

2005-06-25T01:44:00.000+10:00

I went to the prophetic school again tonight.

What a night!

The leaders had their plans of teaching for the night, but from the first minute of the meeting the Holy Spirit came and decided to take over the meeting completly.
Powerful words concerning the whole group of people, as the words were being spoken, people just shook and reacted in different ways. There was a new annointing released, a giant new step, an overall sense of breakthrough.
Then they prophesied over me, each and everyone of them, and I had a prophesy tape of about half an hour, concerning just about every area of my life. It was just awesome. I was completly overwhelmed by the love of the Lord that was in every word spoken.
On the way back home as I was driving I listened to the tape afresh in the car. I just couldn't stop shaking all the way home(you should see what a crazy driver I had been, crossing lines, wriggling along...lol). In fact I'm still shaking now, about 3 hours later. I just feel so full of the spirit that I might just....explode! lol
It was just sooo cool.

Hillsong Conference

2005-06-22T22:50:00.000+10:00

Hillsong Conference is just round the corner, the week after next. I'm getting excited now....yay!
I think it's around 26,000 people registered now for day time delegates, not counting the thousands of volunteers and the free nights.
The speakers are Reinhard Bonnke, Joyce Meyer, Michael W Smith, etc. It's gonna be awesome!
I'm volunteering as a host again, and the kids will be singing in the kids choir doing their 2nd kids album.
The Bible College is doing their field intensive training thing, no classes held for 4 weeks... so I've got quite a bit of time to muck around...hehe
I'm really enjoying this Bible college now, actually I'm starting to think a bit seriously about getting a proper certificate or something.
I started out just doing one subject for fun last term, then this term 3 subjects. I guess these just wet my appetite.
I've been going to a prophetic school every week(one night a week). One of the prophecies they gave me there was I'm gonna be a preacher(speaker)....hmmmm... that's something new, I've actually never thought about that. I don't know if that word is valid or not, but it did get me more interested in getting more education in the Bible college. I kind of thought before why bother for a certificate or degree, I'll never gonna use it... I still don't think I'll use it...so we'll just see.
The prophetic school is really cool. I ran into an old friend from Port Macquarie at Hillsong Women one day, and she asked me, why don't you come to our prophetic school? And I asked, are you gonna give me a word? She said, I would if you come. So I went, and it was cool. Everyone got about half a dozen people prophesied over them. It's kind of funny, although I had been in a prophetic church for a couple of years, I was never properly trained. I do believe I've got the gift, but sometimes I can get wild. So it's actually quite a good opportunity for me to get sharpened up a bit. I really miss the atmosphere where people prophesy to each other...I'm just really hungry for that.
Other than these, I'm just busy reading, trying to do my assignments properly....the "prophetic literature"(subject at college)is a bummer, heaps to read. I should have just chosen a subject like Genesis or Romans....oh well.

Hillsong women - Vicky D'Orazio

2005-06-10T11:43:00.000+10:00

I haven't been writing much about the teachings at Hillsong church for a while. In a way I'm busy, in another way I feel somehow a bit disconnected from the spirit. The teachings were good, I've got the notes, but I just wasn't touched or moved as much as I'd like to.

Yesterday it was different. The "Wow" factor came back to me. I loved it to bits. It was a message just for me. I expected early in the morning to hear a message just for me, and I got it.

Lucinda Dooley was the hostess. She has such an ability to define the colour of an atmosphere. She set the tone perfectly.

Vicky D'orazio was amazing. I can't remember I heard her before. Maybe I have.
Her message was knowing who you are and free to be you.

She started with a little story of her own. She always had a loud voice. She served in her local church faithfully. She didn't get any chance of any leadership roles, but she was trusted to lead 4 praise songs before someone else led the worship songs. She did the praise lead for 10 years. Then one day a man came up telling her that she was screeching. That word really hurt her. She took that word in, and she made a decision to never again let anyone else saying that she's screeching. So she changed her tone of voice. She tried husky voice. After a while she's struggling with her voice problem. So she went to see a doctor. The doctor simply confronted her:"You are not using your natural pitch!"

She's now an international speaker. She knows that God called her to be a Jack hammer. But for years she tried her best to be a sweet nice quiet girl. And now people fly her around the world just to be loud.

In Matt16:13 Jesus asked the disciples who did they think he was. Some said he's Elijah, some said he's Moses... Although people has different opinions, He wasn't moved or affected by what they thought He was. He knew who He was.
Simon had always been called and regarded as Simon, the meaning of the name being a reed, unstable. But Jesus renamed him Peter, meaning a rock. That revelation changed his life.

Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you."
Before you were even created, you existed! Before you were formed, God already had a plan for your life. We can only discover ourselves in Him.
People go to all kinds of strange places trying to find themselves... We listen so much to other people's voices, listen to the voices of our own insecurities,etc. rather than listen to God's voice to find out who we really are.

Discover Jesus, then you'll discover yourself, and your life will be transformed upon that revelation.

Forgiveness

2005-06-08T22:35:00.000+10:00

I've been to councelling sessions many times and I've heard numerous teachings about forgiveness, I've done it so many times I thought I knew all about forgiveness until the issue with my Dad came up again.

My dad had been very abusive for most of my life. He had a serious problem with his temper. I grew up under the shadow of his rage.

I tried to forgive him many times. Yet he remained the same and I had to keep myself out of his reach so that I didn't have to forgive him again and again.

For a while my husband and I were trying to confront him telling him where he was wrong. We couldn't get anywhere. There was no way for him to see he did wrong and there was not a chance for him to say sorry.

Then I felt the Holy spirit whispered to me, "if you want him to say sorry, then you've got to say sorry first."

After battling for a while I decided to let the Holy spirit flow. I started out writing a letter, actually started out pretending, thinking I'd just throw it in the bin after I finished writing.

I told him in the letter exactly how I felt. I felt violated, suicidal,totally powerless as a little girl facing the rage of a violant,adult man. Then I told him that I hated him. And because of that hatred I failed to see his love for me and failed to love him as a daughter. I sincerely apologized to him and asked him to forgive me. I forgave him.

It cost me nearly a whole box of tissue while writing that letter. But I felt the flow of the Spirit. I couldn't believe the power and beauty of the words that came out of my letter. I didn't throw it in the pin....I couldn't wait to give it to him.

I gave my dad a couple hours quiet time to read my letter while my husband and I went out. And after I came back my dad collapsed before me. He totally remorsely repented. He suddenly realised for the first time in his life all the wrongs he did to everyone in the family and to the people around him. He couldn't felt more sorry. Then we took communion together and we hugged.

After he went home he repented to my brother. My brother wept and wept. He told me later that as an adult man he only cried twice in his life. The first time he was so hurt by my father's rage that he left home, and this the second time when my father apologized to him and asked him for forgiveness, he just couldn't stop crying.

My father has been a very different person ever since. Other people have kept telling me how different he has been since his visit to Australia.
He has become a very loving person. And he has been so supportive to me.
I'm so glad that I can have a loving dad again and I'm really thankful that God enabled us into reconciliation. It feels wonderful.

The challenge of faith

2005-06-08T21:39:00.000+10:00

After being a Christian for a while, I guess most of you would have had some kind of encounter with God and will be familiar with the terms like purpose driven life, the calling, vision, promise,etc.
Which requires faith.
Faith is a journey. If it's a calling, it has to be a journey. It leads to the fulfillment of life, it's about who you are, why you are created, it's about your dream. Moreover, it's about God's dream in you.
It's a big thing.
But the challenge is, along the path of faith, not so much with if we're willing to believe or not, willing to sacrifice or not, at the root of the challenge lies the doubt of whether this calling comes from God or not.
Is this God or is this the devil? Is this God or is this just me making it up?
Did I see an angel or did I see someone came in the form of an angel?
What if I give everything I have to this faith only to find out later that in fact I'm so dumb stupid? More so, what if I think it's faith while everyone else all agree it's dumb stupid silly?
I guess for Abraham, if he really know it's God, then killing Isaac is not too much of an issue. But what if the voice telling him to kill is from the enemy?
Are you sure the voice you heard in your spirit is from the Holy Spirit?

Faith usually requires a big amount of sacrifice. It's like talking to a real estate agent about the purchase of a property. Can you trust that person? What if all he's telling you is just a lie?

At the Bible college I'm doing a subject called prophetic literature. At the moment we're learning about the life and ministry of Jeremiah. To me, Jeremiah is truly a hero.
He prophesied and prophesied and prophesied. He had failure after failure after failure. Nobody wanted to listen to him. Every time he prophesied he got himself into trouble. Nobody supported him. The things he saw with his eyes were so discouraging to his faith. Yet he kept walking in faith.

In the end only God can prove who He is. And only by His power are we sustained in our walk in faith.
At the root of the challenge of faith is we don't have faith. Only God can give faith. Faith is a gift.

Our God is truly an awesome God.

Love others as yourself

2005-06-05T14:24:00.000+10:00

Paul Scanlon from UK gave a message at Hillsong leadership vision night the week before last.
The message kept coming back to me and I think there's a lot of truth in it.
In our church the two greatest command has been shortened to the phrase, "Love God, love people". Yet Paul gave us the insight as to the key of the second greatest command:"My greatest gift to you is a healthy me, and your greatest gift to me is a healthy you." He said that by developing oneself you're giving the best of yourself to others.

The second commandment is "love others as yourself."
I used to be involved in counselling for a little while. The most unexpected factor I found is when I seek to help other people, I helped myself at the same time. When God gave me a word of wisdom, an insight to a situation concerning other people, that same knowledge, same insight helped me with my own situation.

So, it's not selfish to love yourself, because by loving yourself you're giving the best of yourself to others; and you're not losing anything by loving others, because by loving others you're loved at the same time.

Ishmael

2005-05-19T14:29:00.000+10:00

It took me a few years to write this, and it took me quite another few years to write the following. So have a read and pls let me know what you think.

I thought I understood Abraham and Ishmael before, but today some new thoughts came to my mind that totally revolutionized my way of thinking and understanding.

First of all, Abraham taking his wife's maid is culturally acceptable for that time. Rachel and Leah's maids could be an example, also David and Solomon all had concubines. Moses' law wasn't yet available. In this sense it's not a sin.
Abraham and Sarah lived a purpose driven life. Sarah went on an extra mile to see the promise fulfilled. It was a sacrifice for her to give her maid to her husband. The result? They had Ishmael, and it's interesting what the name means: "God listens." In other words, it means that's a prayer answered.
Let's see what's God's promise in the first place..."I'll make you a great nation"(12:2)"descendants like the stars"(15:5)
Did Ishmael fulfill God's promise? He actually did. He became a big nation. His descendants were like the stars.
Did God reject Hagar and Ishmael? No. He sent His angels to comfort them and gave them promises, on one condition though, they must go back and submit.(16:9)
What happened in the end? Ephesians 2:14-18 "He made both groups into one" Does Isaac's descendants today and Ishmael's descendants today have the same chances of salvation and blessings through Christ? Does God love us and the Iraqi people the same?

In Chapter 15 verse 6,"Then he believed in the Lord; and He reckoned it to him as righteousness." Abraham believed what the Lord said was gonna happen. And that was his righteousness. This was before today's chapter.But how was it to happen? It actually showed us two ways: one is by supernatural encounter, and one is by action.

Maybe I'll use some examples. Say speaking in tongues. You can get it in a supernatural way, God just did it to you in a miraculous way, and you had a supernatural, spectacular experience. That's awesome. Some people decide that they would wait for that moment to happen....they could end up waiting for 20 years. But there's also another way of getting it... you step out in faith by making some sound, by moving your lips and tongue....and you'll get it straight away.I've witnessed hundreds of people getting the tongues in this way I know it works. But it starts with human effort,and it's less spectacular. But in the end? Both were filled with the Holy Spirit.
In Benny Hinn's meetings, at first they were waiting for supernatural healings to happen, but gradually they encourage more people to actively getting involved in the healing process, by trying to move, trying to stand up...etc.
Joyce Meyer once said, that she was so afraid that she'd miss God's perfect will that she dared not do anything. But God said to her, "Joyce...if you miss me, I'll find you."

If purpose driven life, fulfilling God's promise and calling only involves waiting for God to show up, then why do we need to have so many teachings and books on how to succeed in life?
Like it or not, today's churches are mostly following the principles of Ishmael. By passionately follow our dreams, by taking actions, by trying new ways, making sacrifices, going the extra miles...by making it happen. And of course, by submission, following the principles and guidelines.
And most of the time, after the Ishmaels, God will add to us the Isaacs as well.
In a nutshell, Ishmael speaks of human effort, and also answered prayers. It's not God's perfect will, not His perfect method of doing things, but if we're persistent enough, we pray hard enough, the prayer still gets answered. We might get into some troubles, some people might not like the way it happened as it's less spectacular, but in the end we still get the result and God will help us out with the problems we created.

We can't drive out Hagar and Ishmael. Abraham and Sarah did. But an angel found them and told them to go back! I don't know how Sarah reacted when she saw Hagar again...."hey I thought I just got rid of you..."
Have you found yourself saying things like..."this is too hard, what have I done? what have I got myself into? Can I just abort mission? Why do I have to continue with this journey?"
Somehow I believe God wants us to have both: Isaacs are for our blessings, but Ishmaels are for our character, our growth. Maybe that's why God didn't show up in this case until Ishmael's already a teenager.
All we want is Isaac. But maybe God is more interested in our character and our growth in maturity. There's a saying, "Our gifts can't take us where our character can't sustain."

So......, has your Ishmael grown up yet? If he's still a toddler, you know you still got a few years to go then....

In other words, a modern term, Isaac is just a new level of annointing and blessing. We start with Ishmael, and we'll encounter Isaac along the way.
We can't control God, but we can control ourselves. We can't determine when Isaac's gonna come, but we can determine when to start with Ishmael. We're waiting for Isaac, but God's waiting for Ishmael to be born and grow up; Ps.Brian Houston taught a few weeks ago,"to be faithful with your hand to fulfill what's in your heart." If we're responsible for the present, then God will take care of the future; We do what we can, even if we can't, we still can by making sacrifice, by getting help(finding Hagar), then God will fulfil what we can't. Ishmael is actually a stepping stone for us to get to Isaac. The sooner we start, the better we get at raising Ishmael, the sooner Isaac will come.

Enjoy every moment

2005-05-16T18:05:00.000+10:00

Phil Dooley preached a message a couple weeks ago about life's about loving God every moment of your life. It didn't mean too much to me at the time, until today it suddenly hit me.
Too often, we're so focused on the future, on our goals, purposes, callings, plans, destinies, mountain tops...whatever you want to call it. But the very promise itself can be an idol. We can lose our attention to God in the pursuit of our dreams.
Although it would be wonderful for the dreams to come true, but the greatest joy in life is not in dream itself, but in loving God in every moment. God is our primary purpose in life, and any other purposes in life, even a God given purpose can take our eyes off the Lord and miss the true meaning and purpose of life.

Last week I had a 7 day partial fast, to find out what my purpose in life would be. And today the revelation I had is that God is my purpose. "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want." I sort of understant that from different angles, and last week I even wrote a song about psalm 23. But today I realised that no matter what mountain I'm gonna climb, the first thing I need to sort out is that mountain top is not all I need, but every step, every moment while climbing the mountain is of the same importance in God's eyes.

Bible college

2005-05-10T22:23:00.000+10:00

Today is the first day of the second term.
Last term I did Songwriting basics. I really enjoyed it. There's nothing about songwriting this term, so I chose three other subjects: Prophetic literature, counselling and communication.

My husband doesn't really like the idea that I go to Bible college, he always says that I should go get a degree for a career. But I just can't find any desire in me to go after a career and start school from zero. I've been wanting to do some Bible college course for the last 10 years. So, even though he thinks I'm just wasting my time and money, I still enrolled today without telling him.

Ever since Kate's settled in daycare, I've been having some struggles trying to find where I belong and what I should do with my life. I still don't have anything clear. I'm quite happy to just stay home, but my husband seems to be quite bothered with that idea and wants me to find a job. I always have a passion for missions, but he's just happy with the way it is with church.

So anyways, I'm going to the college two days a week this term...and hopefully after that I'll have more settled ideas of what I'll do with myself.

Take the nation, shake the world

2005-05-06T10:12:00.000+10:00

This week at Hillsong there's this AOG conference with the theme "Take the nation, shake the world." Delegates are from all over the world and they're pastors of large congregations.

I had been wanting to go to this conference, but it's over 200 dollars for the registration... so I only go to the night meetings which are free, plus the Thursday morning combined Hillsong women and conference.

It's been so good. Some teachings in churches are like milk, some are like solid food, but this conference is like the bony meat, tough to eat but they're so yummy.

Monday night it was Steve Penny, and his message was about perspective. God can give us a vision, but the way we look at it, the way we interprete it can bring dramatically different response and results. Like in Jeremiah, you can see your vision as a sprouting branch, or a boiling pot. Or you can be like the story of Elisha sending the servant to look at the cloud. You can see the sky as dry as anything, or you can see God's promise beyond the clear sky.

Tuesday night it was Alan Davies. His story was when the Israelites heard the Lord's call to go out to fight, they did, but first time, 22,000 were cut down. They failed. The second time they went into the fight again, and 18,000 were cut down. And then they went up the third time, and they won. So the message was sometimes you heard God's call, and you did all you can, you didn't sin, you did your best, yet you fail. You hurt, you want to give up and stop. But the command is, get up and do it again! He mentioned some examples, like he invested 30,000 dollars trying to set up a church, but in a year it crumbled down, nobody wanted to listen to him. Then he managed to raise money to send a missionary to overseas, and that guy ended up in jail. A lot of the pastors have tried all they could, but failed. But definately, they can still feel that their dreams haven't released them yet. So the theme was, just get up and do it again, but with the willingness to change.

I didn't go on Wednesday night, as it was Peter's birthday so we went out for dinner. Brian Houston spoke about purpose from psalm 23, out of the series he's doing at the moment in church on Sundays.

Thursday morning's message was by Paul Weaver about seeing beyond the impossibilities. Like Mary, when she heard the angel's word to her, she couldn't figure out in her natural mind how she can conceive a baby without the natural procedure. But God is bigger than the impossibilities in our natural logic, and He'll make a way where there seems to be no way.

Thursday night it was Tommy Barnett, sharing his journey of his dream centre. He has a 16 story building that had become a shelter for the lost sinners, among which are the prostitutes, gangs, gays, lesbians, drug addicts...etc. And their lives are changed. He encouraged everyone to pursue the dreams, and to catch the annointing and flow of the duplication power.

God is big

2005-04-25T00:14:00.000+10:00

At Hillsong women this week, Donna Crouch said, "Some of you have given up on God, but God has not given up on you." Then on the weekend Phil Dooley's message was about God is big, but He is also into the details. From the vast of the universe, to the tiniest cells,electrons,etc. He's in charge of everything.

It's so easy to forget who God is and lose sight of what's going on in situations. Often I'll look at a situation where there's not much I can do about it and then I tend to jump to a conclusion that this is just impossible. My heart is so small that I dare not think that God who created the universe can do something about this situation outside my own little logic box.

God is big, and He can do big things, but He's short of people who have big enough faith for Him to work on earth......Oh Lord, please help!

Balance of life

2005-04-11T22:34:00.000+10:00

Balance is an art. Life is like a picture. We're all given a different picture for each and every one of our lives. Balance is the decision of what colours we want to put in the picture.
Since we're all different, nobody can give anyone else the exact formula. Where in one picture red takes 90% of the weight, it might only take 3% in another picture, and they both can be masters pieces of art.
The art of life is really about how we "colour our world". God gives us a perfect picture, a masterpiece for each and everyone of us, but it's up to us to find out how to live out that picture, and how to balance all the colours in our lives.
Sometimes when we're predominantly in one colour, it's hard for us to recognise the importance of other colours. Say if I'm majorly red, I might be gifted and talented in red, and I have a passion for red, and all I tend to want is red. I might still be looking for more red. But if all I have is only red in the picture, it's not gonna be a nice piece of artwork. It's got to have other colours as well. Often if we're in red, then God will send us leaders, friends, especially our partners in other colours. Although it's a blessing, it's very hard for us to recognise. We tend to learn from and click to those that are the same colour as us. It's actually quite hard to submit to the other colours. But if we do, we'll increase the other colours in our pictures and allow God to make our lives more colourful.
Most of the pictures have a main predominant colour. Say it's mostly green, or mostly blue,etc. But the predominant colour looks the best on the base of a balanced mixture of other colours. If the colour overtakes all the other colours, it gives a wrong message and it won't be an enjoyable artwork to look at. Sometimes by adding an opposite colour will make the first colour more of it's character and stand out.
If there's a particular colour that you dislike most, but it's yelling out at you all the time, probably this is the colour that you'd need most to keep the sense of balance in your picture. If you've been craving for more white in the picture, you might find that God has been sending you black to make your white whiter, but you have been fighting against it and rejecting it... And then by the time we finally get the idea of black, and ready to settle for black, and getting more and more happier about black, we find that He suddenly says, Ok that's enough now, let's move on to green...
In an nutshell, God's the master of art. If we want the perfect picture in our lives, we've got to let God put all the all the colours in, and allow Him to put it the way just how He wants it.

Charles and Camilla

2005-04-10T18:27:00.000+10:00

It seems like a love story of the century. I'm sure that being in the position as he is, Charles has been fighting numerous times trying to get out of this situation and to remain his peace. He must have been feeling guilty and trying to get back to his supposed life over and over, but the love is simply too strong to walk away and forget. If it's only an affair, then time would usually ease out. But after 33 years of turmoil and enormous pressure, the couple has managed to be faithful toward each other and kept the fire of romance and passion up for all those times. I just wish to see more married couples love each other like they do. Well, I certainly hope they'll keep loving each other passionately for the rest of their lives now that they're finally married.
Obviously Camilla is Charles' first love. And that first love has seen them through all these years and still alive. To anyone else, Camilla is just a plain lady that can be replaced by any other lady, let alone Diana. But to Charles, his life has been ruined for anyone else. His spirit has joined with Camilla no matter what the world thinks. Thinking from his point of view, the wedding is such a day of celebration. After all, she's all he wants. For a long time, he's a symbol of adultery, but in another sense, isn't he true to his own inner sense and faithful to his own true love? In another sense, this is even more of a fairy tale, that after 33 years they can still be so in love and so passionate.
I don't know what the church would think of him. But it's nice to see him smile again. In the end, the prince gets to choose who he loves and who he wants to marry. And that's what a fairy tale is all about, isn't it?

Holly Wagner is healed!

2005-04-08T12:17:00.000+10:00

There was a shout of praise and joy at Hillsong women yesterday as Bobbie Houston announced the good report to everyone.
She woke up Wednesday morning with the thought,"It's a beautiful day! This is the day that the Lord has made, we will be glad and rejoice in it." Then while she was getting her morning coffee, Holly rang her and gave her the good news.

We're back

2005-03-31T19:14:00.000+10:00

We had so much fun in the trip to the Gold coast.
We went to the Movie World, Sea World, Wet and wild and spent a day at Brisbane as well. The weather was fine, quite warm, so we had lots of swimming. We stayed at a holiday resort near the surfer's paradise close to the beach.
Peter used to live up there for a while, so we went to see his old house,etc. He found his old mates and we had a lovely time together. He saw his old girlfriend, her parents and her children. I heard a lot about this girlfriend and she's a very nice lady. I actually feel sorry for them, she could actually be quite good for him. Peter was quite happy to see her eldest son, who's now 15. For a while Peter thought it's his son. He's very tall and handsome, but very quiet. Peter really likes her parents, I don't know how many times he's told me(maybe 30 times?), that they're really really nice people. Even though he broke up with this girlfriend, he still remained contact with her parents.
We stopped on the way at Port Macquarie to see Peter's parents. They looked quite well. For a while Peter was quite worried about his father's health.

Jamie has been such a prayer. She prayed for a lot of things, and it worked a lot of the times. Like Peter couldn't find a service station for a long time, and she'd pray and a service station would appear the next second. So any time we're in any kind of trouble we'd just get her to pray. On the way to the Gold Coast, she prayed, "Dear Jesus, please help us to get to all the world, and any world..." And on the way back, she prayed, "Dear Jesus, please help us all to be happy, that nobody cries and nobody winges, and we'll sleep all the way back except daddy..." She's very annointed for praying for car parks.
Ellie's such a book worm. She reads and reads and reads. She loves her books. She's 7, but her reading level is at 12 year old.
Kate's really cute these days. She loves cuddles and kisses, and of course lollies.

I missed the Delirious concert on Sunday, and apparently it was really really good.

Off we go

2005-03-22T23:36:00.000+11:00

We are heading off to the Gold coast for this Easter break tomorrow. Will be back in the middle of next week. So I guess I'll have a pretty good blog fast....hehe
You probably can't believe it, ever since we got married, we haven't had any holidays except for Port Macquarie(which we used to live, and Peter's family still lives)and New Castle which is a break in between.
Sooooo, first family holiday....kids are so excited.
Peter's a very down to earth, practical and hard working husband. So I have been trying to romance him up a bit. I kept telling him the importance of date nights(although we still haven't had any yet)and family fun times. So I guess he figured out a trip will quiet me down a bit for a while....lol
Actually I don't really know if I really want this trip at this time. I sort of feel missed out on Sunday night delirious concert at Hillsong church. But, he's determined. Once he made up his mind, it would just be next to impossible to change his mind. So, I won't complain.
Well, see you next week!

*****
Ellie's had a tooth hanging out for ages and Peter's been trying to get it out for her and she always refused. Just now while she's asleep Peter got it out....and she didn't even wake up. Peter's finally happy now. Poor Ellie.

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Hope you all have a fantastic time over Easter!!